We've heard it. We know it. Our kids sing songs about it in Vacation Bible School. But what does it really mean in the context of a dating relationship?

I've been with my wonderful stud of a boyfriend for two years now. Happiest two years of my life. He's my best friend, my pastor, my encourager, my make-me-more-like-Jesus-er. 

Through watching close friend's marriages and through a recent relationship series at our church, God showed me that I sometimes (a lot of times) fall short in a huge area of our relationship. 

My words.

I'm not necessarily barking orders or telling him he is a terrible person...I would never do that! But I do tend to walk the line of life and death. Meaning, my words aren't poisonous, but they're definitely not life breathing. 

In my head I get the picture of that one summer I thought it would be fun to try to be a gardener. I planted the seeds, watered and after HOURS of long work. I had two little pumpkins bloom in this giant patch of watered dirt. I guess, by definition, there was life.... just not much of it. Not life in abundance, full of color, and usefulness. 

That's what I mean about walking the line between life and death. Yes, my words can just be there... not really going to one extreme or the other. But is that truly honoring to Jesus and my boyfriend? 

I don't think so. I want my words to make him feel much more than a lousy pumpkin. I want my words to encourage him to his fullest his potential! The next-door-neighbor Grandma type garden. 

Ladies, we can make the men (and women) in our life feel miles tall or inches small with just the words that we choose to use with them and about them. Speak life. It's a choice. 

The day was February 13th, Malcolm wanted to take me out for Valentine’s Day but we were busy on the 14th. So on Sunday the 13th, Malcolm took me to breakfast before church. We had time before church started, so we went to a playground to pass some time. While we were swinging, Malcolm asked me, “So, are you one of those girls who say they don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, but secretly they do?” “No…. I mean what I say,” I replied. I started to get suspicious…
 
Then the day was filled with church and ziplining – it was a LONG day! The night before we had gone to the hot springs in Pagosa and didn’t get back until 1am. So by the time we got back from all the activity and dropped off a younger student on campus. Malcolm asked, “So… whatcha wanna do now?” “I just want to hangout and watch a movie or something I’m SO tired!” Then I got no reply. Usually he would say something, like a different suggestion or an agreement, but not nothing. “What did YOU want to do?” I asked. “I don’t know, maybe go on a walk or sit somewhere outside.” “Well, we’re super close to the Lion’s Den, let’s just go there.” {FYI, the Lion’s Den is known as a romantic spot to sit, but I honestly suggested there because it was literally right next to campus!}
 
So we hike up the little muddy hill to the Lion’s Den, Malcolm sits next to me and says how pretty I am and all these other sweet things. Then he says, “So I actually did get you a Valentine’s day present.” In my mind I was like Oh yeah! I know what this is! He’s going to propose!! He reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a heart necklace… a cheesy pink heart necklace. I literally thought he got it out of one of those quarter machines at Walmart (he didn’t, turns out it was expensive)! I tried to hide my horror and thank him… but I can’t hide my feelings! It was all over my face how ugly I thought this thing was. He asked me, “Yeah?! You like it?!” “Oh yeah… its great! Thanks…” He let me stew on it for about 5 minutes, leaving me to think, “Maybe he isn’t proposing after all, and he really is just giving me this cheesy necklace…” But then he stands up and says, “Actually I have another gift for you. Leah, will you marry me?” YES YES YES YES!!!
 
I like our proposal story! Honestly its not because its extremely romantic or creative. But I like our story because it’s the moment that Malcolm asked me to be his wife! Out of all the guys in the world, God brought Malcolm to me.
 
The proposal is reflecting the moment we put out trust in Christ. We come to know all that we need to about Jesus, and we finally are ready to surrender our life over to Him. We open the door, Jesus is standing there with a picnic basket and asks, “May I come in? I’m ready to take away the sin that plagues you and give you a whole new life.” He walks in with an engagement ring in His hand and says, “I can’t wait for you to be my bride!” We don’t need a dramatic testimony for our story to mean something – the fact that Jesus came into our life at all is a big enough deal! We got the most important part – we got Jesus!
 
Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
 
Just like Malcolm told me how he had another gift, Jesus is offering us the best gift we can ever receive. We get eternal life instead of the punishment of our sins.
 
Ephesians 1:13-14 says, ”When you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and when you believed in Him, you were also sealed with the promised Holy Spirit. He is the down payment of our inheritance, for the redemption of the possession, to the praise of His glory.”
 
The Holy Spirit is like our engagement ring. Just like my engagement ring showed people that I promised to be married to Malcolm, the Holy Spirit lives inside each believer showing that we belong to Jesus.
 
The moment I put my trust in Christ is so typical (kind of like my engagement story). It wasn’t a dramatic turning from sin in a rough lifestyle or anything. But it is one of the sweetest, most memorable moments of my life!! I was at camp where the whole gospel was really laid out for me. I remember thinking, “Jesus died for ME?? For MY sin?? Heck yes I want Him in my life!!” I my repentance was real and emphatic – saying “YES YES YES YES!” to Jesus was even more exciting and needy than when I said those words to Malcolm. It didn’t need to be dramatic – it just needed to happen and become real!
 
What was it like to put your trust in Christ? Spend time to thank God for that moment – no matter how big or how small it seems in your mind!
 
Have you had the chance to bring with someone who doesn’t have this personal relationship with Jesus to a point of decision? Pray for them right now and ask for the right time and words to share the gospel again and bring them to a point of choosing or rejecting Jesus.
 
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for not giving up knocking at the door of my life! Thank you for Papa Chuck who was bold enough to share the whole gospel with me! Thank you for changing my life, for giving me Your Holy Spirit so I am not left alone or guess whether we truly have a relationship or not. Jesus, I pray for my friends and family who don’t know you, and I ask that you’ll bring to mind at least one person that I can share with and bring to a point of decision. It’s in Your Powerful Name I pray...

Find the rest of the Romance & The Gospel series here. 

Leah works with Master Plan Ministries at Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO. Other than watching college students' lives change, she enjoys getting her mind blown by God and His Word, watching sci fi, baking cupcakes, and spending time with her hunky husband. ​

My sophomore year of college we had 3 snow days – the first time since the 1990s! You could barely get around town. People were cross country skiing in the middle of the road and using snow shoes to get around! I lived in this house that we called The Cottage, I lived there with my best friends from my freshman year. During the snow days, people within Connect would come to The Cottage and hangout all day long to play in the snow, do homework, eat – we had a LOT of fun and we all really bonded as a group. I think it was around this time that our friend Riley started really liking my roommate Kristy. I remember one time that semester we had the snow days Riley was literally at our house all day long, and Kristy barely noticed him. I remember she left to go somewhere, and Riley rolled over on our couch and moaned, “Leah! What am I doing?!” “Dude, I don’t have a clue what you’re doing!” I replied, “ Cause she doesn’t even want to get married! Let alone date.”
 
Despite Kristy’s resistance, Riley continued to pursue Kristy. We all thought he was wasting his time, until it seemed like Kristy might actually like him. She would go on dates with him, and when we would ask her about it she would say, “Oh, we’re just friends” or “It’s a free meal!” Needless to say, as roommates we were confused! But as months and months went by, they actually started dating, which turned into a proposal, which turned into a wonderful wedding in July where we all showed up to celebrate! I remember thinking, “To think that Kristy was convinced she would never get married! I wonder if Riley will work on how she doesn’t want to have kids…” About 2 years ago they brought their first son home from Uganda, and she is due in April with their second son!
 
I share their story because to everyone, except Riley, pursuing Kristy didn’t make sense. And the fact that he kept pursuing her REALLY made no sense, except to Riley. This is exactly how Jesus is with us! He knows what he’s doing, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
 
The dating period points back to Gospel in this way: Dating reflects how Jesus relentlessly pursues a personal relationship with us. We may not notice Him for a long time, we may not even be sure He is what we truly want, but Jesus is standing at the door of our hearts knocking.
 
Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, “Listen! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and have dinner with him, and he with Me.”
 
Jesus stands on the front porch of our hearts like a desperate fool – continuing to knock wanting to have a first date with you where He will ask you the most amazing question anyone could ever hear, “Will you be my love forever?”
 
One of our good friends, Jospeh, came to know Christ officially while he was here for school. But he investigated a long time into the bible and the truth of Christ. His life up to that point had been characterized by brokenness, addictions, and hard-knocks. He was just kind of getting his life together when he met a talented and attractive chef named Darcy in a kitchen where he was the dishwasher. She also happen to be a Christian, but also in a little bit a rebellious point in her walk with God. Later into their relationship, she started bringing up how important God was to her. Joseph began a journey that took at least a year into seeing who this Jesus was. Once everything was brought together, he took that step of faith to ask Jesus into His life! This is so rare to hear missionary dating actually worked, but it was definitely led by God for a greater plan. They were married the month after Malcolm and I actually. Now Jospeh is at Seminary to become a pastor, and Darcy stays at home with their 3 adorable kids.
 
Just like everyone dates for different amounts of time, it takes different amounts of time for each person to know all they need to about Jesus before they make a decision to open the door to let Jesus into their lives. Some people need to hear the Gospel multiple times over the course of a life time, whereas others need to hear it once to know all that they need to about Jesus.
 
2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord does not delay His promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance.”
 
Jesus patiently waits at the door of a person’s life to offer them a new life, because He desires everyone to have a relationship with Him. Unlike humans who give up at the first sign of rejection, Jesus relentlessly waits to give each of us a chance to accept His invitation of eternal life with Him. Since He’s a gentleman, He will not force us to do anything we don’t want to do.
 
Think about the last time you faced rejection from someone. How did you feel? How much more does Jesus’ heart break when people decide to reject Him – even to the very end of their life on earth? Jesus knows all too well the heartache and drama of dating, because the ups and downs are even more real when dealing with the eternal state of a human being because the stakes are much higher.
 
Do you remember your dating period with the Lord? What was it like? Reflect and rejoice in that time! Spend some time thanking Jesus for pursuing you and the time you got to know Him initially.
 
Do you know someone who is getting to know Jesus? Or is there someone you know that needs to understand Who Jesus is? Spend some time praying them. Pray that Jesus would make Himself very real to them, and ask Jesus for guidance on your next step to share the gospel with them.
 
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for playing the fool for my heart! Thank you that you were patient, kind and gentle to show me Who you really were and still are today! Jesus, I pray for my friends and family members that don’t have a personal relationship with you. I pray that you will help me be the light that I need so they can see you. In Your Mighty Name I pray.

Leah works with Master Plan Ministries at Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO. Other than watching college students' lives change, she enjoys getting her mind blown by God and His Word, watching sci fi, baking cupcakes, and spending time with her hunky husband. ​

To succeed at any great endeavor, you need to have a plan.  Don’t you agree?  For example, as a college student, I had a calendar, a course catalog, and a budget.  I didn’t just show up to class and expect everything to fall into place.  I made sure I had my textbooks purchased, and I had read the syllabus before day 1.  I came with sharpened pencils and a nice notebook to take notes.   I had my “game face on.” 

The same preparation principle applies to almost everything I can think of – for example, running a marathon, spending a summer in Europe, and purchasing a home all require careful thought and a well-laid out plan.  

Why then do we not understand that dating requires the same type of careful planning and preparation?  When you meet the man of your dreams, you want to make sure that you have your “game face on.” 

Dating success is more than just purchasing some cute outfits and making sure that your hair looks perfect.  If you want to stay on mission, you need to have a plan. 

My suggestion is that you get some new sharpened pencils and a notebook, and then sit down with your man over a cup of coffee to discuss what your mission is as a dating couple. 

If you need some direction, my man and I would like to offer you some advice.  Here are four key principles that helped guide our dating season that I think will be beneficial to you: 

1.  Serve Together – Life is not about you.  It’s about Jesus.  Whether you are single, dating, or married, we are here to “wash feet.”  Your gifts and the gifts of your boyfriend will complement each other in a way that seems to make up two sides of a very nice coin.  As you serve together through your dating season, you will learn how to work together to bring greater glory to God. 

2. Study Together --- You don’t know everything.  There is wisdom about life and dating and marriage that will benefit you in this season.  Read a book together about relationships, communication, or spiritual gifts.  Take that pre-marital class or attend that workshop that your church is offering.  Get all the information you can, and then sit down and talk about what it means for you personally as a couple. 

3. Seek Together – You aren’t supposed to spend every moment alone together.  We are called to be in community – especially when we are dating.  Join a small group Bible study with other couples, or go to dinner with another married couple who you admire.  Ask questions, listen, watch, and pursue mentoring relationships and like-minded friends who are going to help make your relationship as a couple stronger. 

4. Surrender Together – Spend time together with Christ.  He is the center of your relationship, and as you pursue Him, you will draw closer together.  Pray together out loud daily, read the Word together, and talk about how your relationship with Christ is changing. 

The dating season is one of the most exciting times of life, but you need to prepare for success.  If you plan and dedicate time toward growth, you will stay on mission and develop a strong spiritual foundation as a couple. 

Lyli Dunbar loves teaching.  For 17 years, she mentored teenagers in the Christian school setting, and now she has serves as Associate Director of Curriculum at Trinity International University Florida. Lyli married her Prince Charming in her 40’s and has a heart for encouraging young couples and singles in God’s waiting room.  She enjoys road trips with her husband, connecting with women through Bible study, and reading way too many books. Lyli writes about life lessons and faith on herpersonal blog. You may also connect with her on Facebook,Twitter, and Pinterest.

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Are you dating someone right now?  When you both love Jesus and want to honor Him with EVERY SINGLE area of your lives, it makes sense that you are wondering how to use dating to His glory too!

And it's SO possible!  Are you surprised that God is interested in this?

He cares deeply about dating because He is wild over you so your heart = His investment.

This season of life can be used very intentionally for the Great Commission if you're willing and ready for some steps of faith.  

Here are just a few ideas to get you started in using dating on mission... 

I'm passionate about relationships.  I get totally jazzed when a friend goes on a first date or announces their marriage.  We are meant for the sweetness of relationship-and dating is no exception.

The Lord has created us FABULOUSLY, and at our core is an innate, though sometimes ignored, sense thatanything worthwhile takes action.

Are you really believing that?  That dating will require steps of faith on your part?

Dating is hard. But dating as a Christian has become even more difficult. There is this idea out there that God has that one special person and that person is just waiting to come sweep us off our feet, be a spiritual leader all the time, never fail, and consistently give us foot massages after a long day of work. 

Here’s the deal, ladies: not one of the men out there is perfect. But there is a man out there that is going to be the best partner in your walk with Jesus. It drives me nuts when people give up on relationships because the man “didn’t seem good enough.” The truth of the matter is none of us are good enough. 

I am definitely not an expert in the area of dating. Oh how I wish that I could say that I’ve always dated in a way that brought glory to God. I have failed so many ways; yet through it I have learned more about my insecurities, grown in my discernment, and seen God’s grace so immensely.  I recently got married just two months shy of my thirty-third birthday. I did not always have the right view of dating or relationships. So many times, I was upset about my singleness, and when I did date which wasn’t often, I was consumed with thoughts of the guy. As you date or consider dating, I would like to encourage you to think through these questions.

Do you place your personal worth on whether you are in a relationship or not? Are you dating just so others view you as “worthy” to be in a relationship? Remember that your identity is not in your relationship status. The only relationship which gives you an identity is a relationship with Jesus Christ. Because of Christ’s redemptive work on the cross, you have the awesome privilege of being a child of God, daughter of the King, and fellow heir with Christ (Heb.2:11, I John 3:1, Eph.1:5, Rom.8:17, and Eph.3:6). No man on earth can give or take away from your eternal worth!