Mother of Thunder; When you want for your kids On our drive to the grocery store this morning, Uriah and Asher started arguing in the car about if they could build a house or not. It turned into the perfect opportunity to talk about how we exist for God and we need to do with our lives what He wants us to do, not just what we want to do. I told them that whatever we do, it has to be for the purpose of making God known and listed a bunch of examples. Asher decided on being a spy sneaking into closed countries to tell bad guys about Jesus (boy after my own heart). Uriah decided on dressing up in costumes and telling people about Jesus. (Great fit for my little superman)
Intellectually, thinking about them doing dangerous things for Jesus is awesome. But yet I worry so much about things like them drowning or getting kidnapped or hit by a car. This morning as I read about James and John's mom, the Lord convicted me about my worry of them. Matthew 20:20-28 tells her story. She wanted what was best for her boys. She was bold and knew that Jesus had the authority to give them a good life, to let them sit on his right and his left. It is pretty admirable that she approached Jesus and asked a bold thing for her sons. The problem was she saw success through the lens of the world. She wanted them to have power, reputation and authority how this world recognizes it. She didn't understand the kingdom of God in relation to her sons. She didn't connect that the way up for them is the way down. She saw through this short speck of life lens believing as though this life was the end all. She had no idea marytrdom and exile for the gospel was what she was asking for her sons. For that equals fame in heaven. If she knew, would she have desired and pleaded for that for her kids? It's so easy to equate success with painlessness and lack of suffering.  The Lord stirred my thoughts. What are my desires for my kids? Are my desires limited to this life? Are they short-sided, lacking eternal perspective? Am I hoping for them a good reputation and safety in this life or in the one to come? Do I desire safety for them more than I desire God to be glorified in their life? Do I want the podium of greatness for them now at the expense of being bankrupt in heaven? If the way for God to be most glorified in them is through suffering, do I want that? Oh Lord forgive me for gripping Your kids too tightly. Help me trust You with them. And even in that surrender there's a fear You'll let something bad happen to them if I loosen my grip. But You did let something bad happen to James and John and in the grand scheme, in eternal view, it was beautiful. You used their lives to glorify You to maximum potential and it was worth it. Why is it so hard to let go? The what ifs seem to have a powerful hold over me. Lord, I come to You just as the mother of Zebedee's sons did and entrust my sons and daughter to You. Instead of asking for their greatness, I ask that You use their life for Your greatness. And give me grace to accept whatever that may look like. Help me daily loosen my grip of them and cling tighter to You. What about you? What do you have a tendency to be close-fisted with God about? Why? What's true about God in relation to it? What would you tell someone else about why they should loosen their grip?  This post part of the series Check out other posts in this series: Potiphar's Wife; Life Unrestrained Woman at the Well; Experiencing God's Grace Rahab; Ms. Courageous meet Prince Charming Damaris; Counted Among Them Eunice and her faithful reward Midwives; What they have in common with Chick-fil-a and Cake Miriam; What's the big deal with dishonor? Dinah; When life is bigger than you imagined Lot's wife; Dealing with a heart that longs
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