Making Peace: Teaching Kiddos

We are called to be peace makers.
Have you ever thought about how peace comes? It comes through communicating. So if we want peace in our relationships it isnt going to come by pushing things under the rug. It's going to be by effectively communicating. Here is a tool Austin and I use in our marriage, a tool we teach the college students we minister to and what we use to teach our kids how to communicate.

Help them "Walk the Wheel"

Definitions

Only One Issue- What is the heart of the issue. Use I statements. Own the issue.

Sensory Data- Everything you took in from your senses- I saw, heard,  etc.

Thoughts-  Beliefs, interpretations

Feelings-  Feeling words; sad, lonely, frustrated

Wants-  What you want. For yourself, for others, and for the both of you.

Actions- Any!  Not only between you two, especially Past. Present overlaps with, specific things you want to see happen.

It is important to express what we think, feel, and want. When Austin and I are bumping heads and then he shares how this or that (the issue) lead him to feel, it helps me put myself in his shoes. It brings that ah-ha moment of understanding why they responded the way they did.

Just as it is important for us to share our thoughts, feeling and desires with others, it is just as important for our kids to when dealing with siblings. Communicating is not just a "I'm right and you're wrong", whose gonna win deal. We need to train them and coach them in walking the wheel.

And I've found when we understand each other, it makes forgiveness much easier!

Helpful Hints

Seek to Understand
It takes supernatural power to put your needs on hold and try to understand the other person.

 "A fool does not delight in understanding, only in revealing his own mind."-Proverbs 18:2

 Most conflicts are resolved when you understand one another

Speak for Self
** Use  I statements, don't tell the other person what they were thinking or feeling or what thier motives
were. Try not to accuse or blame, take ownership of your feelings.


Do not try to jump in and fix them or relate your autobiography. Just listen.
Invite them to tell you more. Don’t stop inviting until they say there is nothing else. Usually, the third time you invite you strike gold and get to the heart.  Then they know you really want to know.

Summarize: capture the essence in an empathetic way. So when _____ you felt _________ and thought ______ and would like ___________ to happen instead. Is that right?


The more you do it, the more natural it will become.

Find other helpful tools under the Life on Mission Tab 

I'm linked up with the wonderful ladies over at:
We are That Family, Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, Good Morning Girls, A Holy Experience, Heart Soul Exchange, Some Girls Website and The Diaper Diaries