Summer time came and I went to put my shorts on. They didn't fit, I tried another, didn't fit. None of my shorts fit! I had grown out of all of my shorts. I couldn't believe it. I had never outgrown my entire wardrobe like that, so asked Austin, "Am I fat?" Ok, not a question you're suppose to ask. Austin says, "Laura, there are a lot of girls fatter than you." Gasp! "Fatter than me!? I AM fat..."
Believe it or not I laugh at the whole thing now because he really wasn't trying to be mean and didn't mean it that way. But seriously... how can someone say something like that and be oblivious!? Oh men.
10 years of marriage later we are driving down the road to Vail for Easter when he says, "I love you and I'm committed to love you" in a real sweet voice. We had a little argument not long before that so I say, "Why?" (Why oh why... did I not learn to not ask crazy questions!?) So he says, "Well, you're just hard to love sometimes but I'm committed to love you and will love you till I die." Sweet thing, kinda. But all I heard was "You're hard to love" and all I could think about was how I didn't want to be a duty to love but a delight. My Easter weekend was filled with sadness and a pity party.
But really comments like those bring me back to reality. The reality that the constant adoration I deeply desire of the man being desperately in love with the woman, smitten, is not in fact reality. I am broken and my husband is broken. And the reality is that God is smitten over me. He adores me. He watches me and thinks about me more times than the grains of sand on the seashore. The reality is that no man will ever be all we desire. No man will ever give us all the adoration, affirmation, approval and acceptance we crave. No man but Jesus, the One smitten over us. The One stunned by our beauty because He sees us through His blood. And really isn't marriage made to be a reminder of our relationship with Him, not a replacement of it.
Laura, the founder of Missional Women is married and has six kids, two of whom are adopted. Laura and her husband have been missionaries to college students for 14 years serving with Master Plan Ministries where she is the Women's Development Coordinator. Laura has authored 5 books, including an award winning 12 week Bible Study on First Samuel, Beholding Him, Becoming Missional, Reach; How to Use Your Social Media Influence for the Glory of God, A Devotional Journey through Judges, and Discover God's Calling for Your Life. Most recently her resource for Bible studies, The Connect Cards was released by Cru Press. You can find her on facebook, twitter, pinterest, youtube, instagram, periscope, blab and her author site.
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4/10/2012 06:37:48 am
Oh my gosh, seriously, we're the same person sometimes! I so understand this, and even if we're sometimes still difficult to love, be encouraged somebody understands! :)
I love your last line; its so true. I've only been married 6 months and although I love it, I have already learned so much... you really have no idea what being married is like until you are. I'm always so happy to hear that other women get their feelings hurt, take offense, and are generally hard to get along with too. :-) Thanks for your honesty!
4/10/2012 09:00:26 am
Love, love, love this post!!!! It's beautiful. And we recently went through similar stuff. Thanks for the reminder that God sees us so differently than people <3
This is great stuff. Again, I love the honesty. I have made my marriage (my husband) an idol so many times over the years. Then I have to lay it down...then I pick it back up....then I lay it down. I am Israel! It's nice to once again be reminded that marriage was only a creation designed to reflect our Heavenly Father. Let us remember to worship the Creator and not the Creation! So hard to do sometimes when we just want the here and now, the tangible touch, or the perfect words spoken. Jesus truly is all that we seek and desire...sometimes I am reminded of that most when my husband says stupid things :) Just kidding, sort of. Men are wonderful...my husband is amazing...but Jesus is the ultimate!
"And really isn't marriage made to be a reminder of our relationship with Him, not a replacement of it."
We are created to desire relationships with other people so that's all fine. The problem most of us find ourselves in is when we put those desires above God. As long as we strive to keep a healthy balance and perspective, that's the key. God is first. What a lovely, honest, and funny post Laura. And I love the pic of you and your family. Makes me smile. ;)
4/12/2012 12:31:53 pm
I love this!!! I actually was laughing, but not in a mean way, but in a I have totally done that way... Thank you for reminding us of God's unconditional love!!
4/13/2012 07:02:19 am
This is excellent and something I've tried to explain to my sister and daughter - so definitely sharing this. Jesus is our "all in all". I also love the saying, Marriage is falling in love over and over again with the same person. A covenant marriage is crucial. Have a wonderful day!
4/14/2012 04:45:03 am
I can totally relate. I also am hard to love but am glad to know that I believe that applies to all of us. Thanks for sharing.
4/15/2012 09:54:14 am
Beautiful post! I only wish I had read things like this BEFORE I got married! :) Six years into it, I've figured a few things out, thankfully. Marriage is work, but if you let it, it can fulfill its design. Thanks!
4/16/2012 02:05:32 pm
Excellent post! You have me thinking! It is reality,,,we can always make up our fantasy marriage, but it will never be really what Christ has intended! Thank you! I hope you will continue to share your very encouraging words...Bless you!
4/17/2012 02:40:26 am
That's a hard lesson to learn, and one that I often need to remind myself of!
I know I'm late to be commenting on this old post but, I really love your family photo up there and was amused, too, reading your post. I know, even if I haven't met you personally, that Austin loves you to pieces :)! And about that being fat thing, well, my husband has reminded me, (more than a few a times, I tell you!) that I'm REALLY, getting fat! It doesn't fail to hurt me EVERY TIME. But I'm the one who boldly tells him that it's really hard to love him :-).
I came looking for the Friday link-up and saw this powerful and honest post about marriage. I have been married 20 years, am 65, and am reading this as though I were still back in my 20s. It is all so true and REAL! I am still learning that God is my husband and that precious Ken is my earthly husband, but as you say, we are "broken". I need the One and Only Who adores me, thinks I am beautiful, and holds me no matter what. Thank you so much for this today. I praise God for focusing my eye on this particular post before I return to the Friday link-up. : ) Caring through Christ, ~ linda
7/12/2016 08:10:02 pm
Thanks for your sweet and encouraging words Linda!!
11/17/2013 04:41:23 pm
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