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Adoption Vs. Biological {Dispelling Myths}

4/27/2012

17 Comments

 
So Austin and I have two boys who are adopted and a little girl who is not. I think there is probably a question in a lot of peoples mind, "Do you love your biological child more?" So, thought I would take just a minute to share.
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Can you really love an adopted child as much as a biological one?

Before we had kids I heard many women say after birth you just have this sweeping love feeling where you think you just can't love anything else more. I wondered if that would be true even if I wasn't the one giving birth.

Asher has an incredible birth story (actually they all do). I was told I had unexplained infertility. And in my mind it was worse than being told we couldn't have children at all because I didn't know if it was possible to have kids. And there is no way to fix something when you don't know what to fix. So there was this weird lack of hope of being fixed but sliver of hope that it was possible. Strange feeling combination. So we started praying. I mean really, taking our heart before God, not holding back for fear He would let me down kind of praying. 

After 2 years, God brought Asher into our life through adoption. It seriously is the coolest adoption story I have ever heard. (If you've got a minute, click awesome adoption story and scroll way down till you see cute little Asher's face.) I wish I had all day to tell you. When he was born I was in the hospital room and I loved him but I was more terrified. I actually thought if his head fell his neck would break. I was a terrified first time mom. I worried more than I actually thought possible and totally understood overprotective moms. I kinda freaked out that I was going to be one, but then I didn't really care that much because the worry outweighed the fear of what people thought.

Anyway, I brought Asher home and I loved him and had a great affection for him. I was amazed at how God brought him into our family, but didn't know him. I wondered if biological moms knew their babies. You know, like that, "I know you, you did life with me for 9 months" type of thing. 

Uriah was born 13 months after Asher (they are biological brothers, how cool is that!) and since I didn't pray for 2 years for Uriah I didn't feel as connected at first. I had the same, "Who are you little guy?" feeling. Though I was excited to find out.

Then surprize, Eden. I am not sure what happened. Uh, well, I mean I know what happened, but I'm not sure how after 10 years of marriage we get pregnant. That was a whole story in itself, but to make it short, I was NOT excited (Just being real here. Story for another time I guess.) God did some heart changing in me and changed my mourning into joy before Eden burst onto scene. 

My awful pregnancy ended with an emergency c-section with the chord wrapped around Eden's neck 3 times and around her body. Without the c-section, the doctors say she wouldn't have survived. But there she was a healthy little girl. We took her home, laid her in her crib and had that same exact feeling/thought I had with the boys, "I don't know you. Who are you little girl?" And just like I didn't have the feeling of oushy-gushy love for the boys when they were born, I didn't have that feeling with Eden either. (Can you tell I am much more of a thinker than a feeler?)

I honestly don't have more of an affection for Eden over the boys. Isn't that crazy awesome! What a picture of God's love for us. When we admit our guilt before a sinless, perfect God and receive His forgiveness He adopts us. He loves us as His own. And I know it. No matter how a child comes to you, the love is the same. Eden is a girl, meaning she doesn't have to kill everything and be in constant motion and that's nice. But the boys and Eden are mine. God picked each of them for me. Graciously.  

And to be honest, hoping my kids don't ever read back this far in my blog 20 years from now, Uriah probably gives me the most enjoyment right now in life (when he's not throwing a 45 min. fit). I know there will be fazes where each one will be more enjoyable than the others. But I just share that to make it known that it truly is a lie to think that someone could never love an adopted child as much as a biological child.

Welp, that's it really. Here's another great read. Top 10 Reasons Adoption is Awesome. And obviously I am super open about this, so if you have questions, I am available to answer.
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Mind Sharing?
17 Comments
Angi link
4/28/2012 01:35:22 am

Oh my gosh. I love this post. I love how the truth of choosing to love is so perfectly shown through your kids. And I love all 3 of your precious little kids :)

Reply
Laura link
5/4/2012 05:56:43 am

Thanks Ang

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Janie
4/28/2012 07:49:54 am

What a gorgeous family. I can totally relate, my 2 older brothers are adopted. They used to tell me "...we were chosen, you were had!"
"let the little children come to me", what a blessing.

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Laura link
5/4/2012 05:57:15 am

That is so awesome!!!

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ToscaSac link
4/28/2012 08:39:26 am

I just have a love for people. I only have one daughter with the hope of maybe adopting teenagers in the future but I can't imagine not finding a special place in my heart for anyone who gets near enough for long enough. They do not even have to belong to me for me to love on them.

I read stories of moms who do not like their bio kids or fail to bond with their babies in the womb or right after birth. Things I just have no experience with.

I think humanity has a much larger capacity to love than it gives itself credit for. The same way we under utilize our brains. The good news is whatever we are doing there is always more on reserve somewhere if only we can believe that and find a way to access it.

One of the biggest ways I appreciate my love for my daughter is the time spent over the years. It does not hurt having that as my love language.

Every new person we meet would just fit in somewhere on the time line of our lives and take up as much space as their personality could emote. It is not something to put a value on or quantitate.

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Laura link
5/4/2012 05:58:39 am

That is so cool you want to adopt teenagers! Not common but such a need!!

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Ellie link
4/29/2012 05:06:37 am

I believe though we all share much as moms, that each mothering experience is as unique as each child is.

Your candor is a blessing!

One question, 45 fits? How do you handle those? ;)

Oh wait, that's two questions!

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Laura link
5/4/2012 06:00:33 am

So true!
45 minute fits. (The boys are the most strong-willed kids I've ever met) They use to be as long as 2 hours and I thought I would rip my hair out. lol! Now they arnt as often so it is much easier. I seriously thought I was a patient person till having kids. Then I get an eye opener.

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Karen Blue link
4/29/2012 06:02:41 am

This was so adorable, and so funny! I love the line about Eden not being a boy, so not feeling the need to kill everything. LOL! I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Makes me look at adoption differently.

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Laura link
5/4/2012 06:01:21 am

Oh good! It's always good to have affirmation that people don't think you're nuts. ;) Thanks!

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Shanda Oakley link
4/29/2012 10:36:49 am

Oh Laura,
Isn't God awesome! I have a friend right now who is really struggling because of infertility (she is 42 and still no baby). For some reason she is holding out on adoption and I am going to send her this link. Thank you.

Reply
Laura link
5/4/2012 06:02:18 am

Oh I'm sorry. It can be so hard to let go of our expectations sometimes. But when we release control to Jesus, He does the most beautiful things! And don't you know that. :)

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Lori link
5/1/2012 07:13:07 am

This should be shared all over!!

It's funny how so many people think they are going to have this immediate connection and do not - adopted or biological. It's just like the question some couples ask, "how can you love another baby as much as this one?" - and you hear people say they divide up their love - when in most hearts (in loving families) it is NOT divided love, but 100% for each child and the love just multiplies. You really have enough love for everyone!!!!

...also, I love what Janie wrote that her brothers told her :) ~Lori

Reply
Laura link
5/4/2012 06:03:44 am

Aw thanks!
I wonder if it's related to living in such an emotion driven country??

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roseann elliott
5/1/2012 11:14:45 pm

neighbors @ wlw...Oh...this fills my soul with joy...your children are just adorable...each one precious...each one loved...each one a gift. blessings to you~

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Laura link
5/4/2012 06:04:15 am

Thanks for visiting Roseann!

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Krista link
1/25/2013 03:46:44 am

Amen. We have 3 by birth and 2 by foster/adoption (one placed at birth and one at age 2). Bonding wasn't as easy with the toddler but I've was never the issue. Faith helped us get there.

Reply



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  • Home
    • Ministry Resources for Women >
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