One of the things that I have to guard my heart against as a single woman is what I like to call “Mushy Heart Syndrome.”
There are things that turn my heart into mush and turn me away from the Lord. My symptoms often include fantasizing about my “future husband,” thinking if I just ______, God will give me the man of my dreams, thinking that marriage is my ultimate goal rather than knowing and loving God, and maybe the ugliest- drooling after men and idolizing them as potential husbands rather than seeing them as the image of God.
There are lots of things that trigger Mushy Heart Syndrome for me- movies, books, TV shows, watching proposal videos on YouTube, etc. But they all come from a sinful heart of putting men and marriage above Jesus in my life. Whenever something other than Jesus takes center stage, it is idolatry.
It happens the moment I take my eyes off Christ and start thinking about myself. When I stop being content with Christ, who is more than all I could ever need, and start making my own demands.
Sometimes I realize that Mushy Heart Syndrome is setting in, that I’m being tricked by a TV show or movie into fantasizing about a husband. And the moment that happens I know I must “take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
So what does that look like? What does it look like to take your thoughts and make them obedient to Christ? How does that help fend off Mushy Heart Syndrome?
I know that I must turn from my idolatry and turn to Jesus. I know repentance is the only
thing that will truly help me make my thoughts obedient to Christ.
I memorize scripture. I know that when God’s word is written on my heart it keeps me from sinning (Ps 119:11).
But let me place a word of caution - when I memorize and meditate on a verse like Isaiah 54:5- “For your Maker is your husband- the Lord Almighty is his name,” do you know what I’m still thinking about?
I’m thinking about my own desires and my own plan for my life. This is not true repentance. This is not a 180 degree turn from looking at myself to looking at Jesus. It’s more like a 23 degree turn. For me, it’s an overly spiritualized excuse to think about my non-existent husband.
So what I’ve learned to do instead is meditate on something like Exodus 34:6- “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”
When I stop thinking about myself and look only to Jesus, my Mushy Heart Syndrome is cured! (At least for the moment… until I turn on 27 dresses again.)
Lord help us lay down the idol of marriage and focus on You. Help us recognize when we put our own desires and plans in front of worshiping You. Thank you, Lord for being more than all that we could ever need or want.
Angi loves Jesus, coffee, baseball and baking cakes. She is a missionary to college students and can't think of anything she'd rather do to serve God. Angi first met the Lord while climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, Africa but really understood His love and grace as a freshman in college. Her heart is to invest in college students in the same way that many others invested in her. You can find her blogging over at Stuff Angi Does where she tells stories about Jesus, college students, and life. You can also find her on facebook, twitter, pintrest and instagram.
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