 I can’t remember exactly where I was, or who I heard it from, but the words stuck to my heartbroken single-woman-soul like a nasty piece of gum on the sole of my Asics. Wait on God’s timing. He has a man out there for you. But God waits to give you what you want because He has work to do in your heart. It is not until you are completely content with being single that He will grant you someone to be with. There are nuggets of truth in there, and I’m sure whoever it was meant well, but this teaching is a dangerous one. The thought that God only grants a husband to those who are completely satisfied in Him, led me to believe that those who are married have figured out the secret to contentment in Christ. And single ladies? Well, God still has work to do on us; we are not yet marriage material. If I am still single, God must have more to work on in me. I must not have surrendered enough of my life for God to grant me marriage. This translates to so many other places in life. If I am not rich, then God must not think I can handle all that money. If I can’t have kids, God must think I am not ready for kids, or that I will never be a good mother. If I lost my job, my health, or a loved-one God must be punishing me for something I did. Lies. All lies. For far too long, I spent my single days looking for the man who would enter the room and change my life forever. I woke up each day thinking it might just be the day my prince would come. I wasted precious energy hoping in husband instead of God’s best plan for me. When my hopes were dashed I looked inward; I tried to clean myself up, and attempted to please God with my actions and “sacrifice.” God’s economy is not 1+2=3. He is not Santa Clause or a vending machine. He is an all-knowing, merciful, and faithful God who knows my every heartache and longing. He knows the difference between what I want and what I need. And most importantly, He knows how my life can give Him the most glory. So, if you find yourself single (or poor, or barren, or fill-in-the-blank with whatever your heart yearns for most) and wondering, “Why, God?” you are asking the wrong question. Instead of wondering what we did wrong, or what we need to do more of to get God to give us what we want, we must learn to find our hope in God alone and ask, “How can I experience more of you, God?” Only God’s presence will soothe the ache of lonely single nights, a barren womb, and loss of life. Only through being in the center of God’s plan for our lives do we experience the joy and satisfaction we are desperate for. Our hope must be in God alone. His plan. His glory. His loving, faithful character. Regardless of what is to come (or not.) Where is your hope today? What does your heart yearn for more than anything? Are you believing the lie that you need to try harder, in order to earn the reward of a husband, a child, or a different position in life? Let’s chat in the comments.  About Katie Grace-clinger. Truth-speaker. Pastor's wife. Mommy of 3. As a Bible study writer, retreat speaker, and local women's ministry leader, Katie is passionate about equipping others to walk intimately with God for a lifetime. Katie currently serves as the Social Media Specialist and Community Manager for Flourish.me, a ministry of the North American Mission Board to ministry wives. Learn more about Katie on her website KatieOrr.me If you'd like to read more from this contributor, type her name in the search box on the top right.
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17 Comments
2/21/2015 01:21:57 am
That is such a good, healing word for so many asking God, "Why? or When Lord?" Blessings to you! May these words reach so many and draw hearts closer to the Lord for comfort. Love, Rachael
Alicia Dawn
2/21/2015 03:14:22 am
I'm constantly asking God why! You see I cheated on my husband and and am currantly trying to work things out with him. It is so hard. I'm going to church and doing Bible studies and trying to get him in church with me. Your post here really hit home with me. Thanks and God bless!! 2/21/2015 10:00:33 am
What a great perspective on the right questions to ask when we are yearning for more. How can I experience more of you God will be the question I ask when seeking Him in all areas of my life. Thank you for linking up to The Weekend Brew.
Jenn
2/23/2015 03:45:58 am
Thank you for this. "Wait on God’s timing. He has a man out there for you. But God waits to give you what you want because He has work to do in your heart. It is not until you are completely content with being single that He will grant you someone to be with." This advice has been really frustrating and annoying. Thank you for pointing to Truth in the matter of singleness, or in those areas where we can often feel like less than a woman, less "godly" because we are not "fulfilling what a woman is created for".
Kelly
2/23/2015 11:06:37 am
Thank you for posting this article. I agree those words really don't help in any way. I don't know one woman or man who was completely content in being single before they got married. In my opinion they were desperate to get marred and wanted nothing more. I do not believe they were are still are content with being whatever God wants them to be either. If you asked them they would tell you just as much. Someone said this to me this weekend at a bridal shower I attended. Personally, whenever I hear this I basically just say. "At this rate I will never get married, never have kids and never be financially secure in my life." Because I believe that I am more work than God can handle. I know he is big and no problem is to big for him. However, how will I ever be worthy enough for a man. Speaking of, why is this only stated to women? Why do so many people feel that women should constantly feel as if they are not worthy enough for a man? What really do men have so much of that women have to be worthy of them? Why do we see them as so perfect when they are far from perfect? Why is it we think all this work is worth their love which isn't Gods love and therefore its more work than its worth. It is no different than working hard every day and getting a paltry sum on your pay check. Eventually you stop trying to be such a good employee and are only as good an employee as you get paid. Which is very little.
Hi Kelly, 2/25/2015 09:06:40 am
I really appreciate this post. I have spoken to many single women who are just plain tired of the marriage question - like there is something so wrong with them. Instead of pressuring these beautiful women towards marriage like it's what will make them satisfied, let's begin asking them what exciting things has God been doing in their lives? What He is calling them to do with their lives? Make Christ the focus of life, not marriage. I'm adding this post to my weekly round-up on Friday!!!
I spent quite a lot of time as a single woman. I had decided at a young age that I was never getting married since everyone got divorced anyway. I didn't date nor did I wish to. I had med school and two jobs that occupied my time. I didn't have time for a man. Maybe this is why no one ever said these words to me? Or maybe I wasn't listening?
Charlene
3/9/2015 03:47:54 am
'Sorry, but I'm just now seeing this, after looking through the Missional Women's site on Facebook. I believe what you've written is truly from someone who has never experienced divorce (or even death) from a spouse. For those of us who have been "married our entire lives" (from age 19--60s) and divorced (twice!), life can be very, very lonely without a spouse. Yes, it's true that God is who we are supposed to need -- and I do. (And I also believe that so do many other women) But, that doesn't change the fact that on this earth, in this physical world, where living alone/experiencing Life with no partner to be there to physically help, comfort, defend can cause an ache that is very real in our bodies. Some women have told me that they've "physically felt the arms of Jesus holding them." Not I. I draw deep comfort from reading the Word, praying (especially when I can be out in Nature), attending worship services and small groups. But, at night, alone in my bed, with no one to cuddle and no one to say "Good night," it is hard to wait on the Lord. 5/16/2015 02:26:56 pm
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. As a single woman, I need this reminder from time to time, and this was a lovely reminder.
Alicia Sharp
5/16/2015 11:02:30 pm
This was such a powerful post, thank you! I came here from the Thought Provoking Thursday link up, not sure what to expect as I am not single anymore, but the words still knocked me down. It is so easy for me to start believing the idea that I have to be good enough for God to bless me when that is so self-centered. I need to be constantly working on finding where God wants to use me here and trusting in His plan instead of impatiently waiting for the future I think I have all figured out. Thank you so much for posting! Leave a Reply. |
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