“And David danced before the Lord with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod.”
2 Samuel 6:14
I am like many good Christian girls. I have certainly had moments of rebellion, but by the Grace of God I never strayed very far from the path of what I was taught early in my life about morality.
The problem is that most of my life I have been quite confused about what that meant in regards to my God-given sexuality that is a gift to every woman.
When it was time for me to learn about the birds and the bees I was given a book about gerbils. Yes gerbils. It was called ‘Susie’s Babies’ and I sincerely hope that it is out of print. I read it front to back and I had absolutely no idea what it was really talking about. The mommy and the daddy gerbil ‘got together’ and then came the baby gerbils. Okay then.
My mom might have liked the book because her name was Susie. It was also more education than she got from her mother. She was always very private with her own affection with my father and combine that with the lowest, most distant points of their marriage happening during my adolescence and well, there was a lot of…confusion.
She asked if I had any questions and I didn’t because well, what more was there to know? I always got good grades and graduated high school as the valedictorian. But as far as street smarts, well, I didn’t have any. There’s a side of this that is pure and innocent and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
But there is another side that was mired in ignorance that lent itself to sex being a secret, hush-hush thing. And where there is silence and the legacy of a fallen world there is hiding and shame.
For me the hiding and shame led to some embarrassing situations as I attended public school through high school. The innocence protected me and a lot of innuendo went over my head, but not all of it.
The confusion increased and it was much later than ‘Susie’s Babies’ that I actually understood and put some major pieces together. Since I understood…everything after everyone else, I instantly felt great embarrassment and shame.
I graduated high school and went to a Christian college which was a great choice for me. But even here, I was still innocent and confused about a lot relative to my peers. But, as I embraced, for the first time, the passion God had given me for Himself, I came like a child to Him and my purity was transformed to wild, full, uncorrupted passion for Him.
The joy I experienced in my relationship with God was better than anything that I could imagine and I related to others with a type of blissful ignorance that allowed me to live unashamed, uninhibited.
The best example of this was when I was studying in Spain during my junior year. Many of my fellow students were not believers and definitely not innocent. We had stopped at an old Spanish palace and grounds on the way back to Barcelona from Madrid. Almost everyone had returned to the bus, including me. There was a gorgeous sunset and I was vocally exclaiming my praise.
I remember hearing some of the others and our advisors snickering as they made fun of me. I understood enough to know why. The way I was expressing myself was something they could only understand as coming from the pleasure of sex.
I think my blissfully oblivious self took a bit of a hit that day. But more than any feeling of embarrassment, I remember feeling pity for them. How sad that the only way they understood this level of pleasure was sexually and since none of them were married it was not the good-gift-from-God sexuality they referenced! I remember the Lord speaking clearly to my heart that I had nothing to be ashamed of, but rather my expression of praise and worship brought great joy to Him.
This was a major moment of clarity for me. I had the knowledge to not be confused about sex or sexual innuendo, yet a depth of pure, unbridled passion for God to know that His love is the greatest and NOTHING in the spectrum of human pleasure could compare.
Join me for this series as I continue to share what I have learned about Pure Passion.
Abby is a small-town loving, big city adventurer. She and her husband have worked with high school students most of their lives! Since their internship in Budapest, Hungary in 2005-2006, they have been working with the ministry of CRU. In May of this year, they moved to Hungary answering God's call to work long-term with the students of Central and Eastern Europe. Abby loves to laugh, especially at herself, has a passion for God and making Him known and is ever learning how to do that with three small children, ages 5, 3 and one month. She wouldn't trade the journey for anything! She blogs regularly at Fan the Flame
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