Sex. Let’s just get that word out there. I am going to tell you some pretty personal things about my relationship but I think it helps to really portray what God wants us to know. The Bible calls us to keep the marriage bed pure. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
Nothing gets under my skin more than when someone takes this verse and relates it to God not wanting us to experience joy or Christians trying to control people’s lives. Why would God have made it joyful to participate in this activity if he doesn't want us to experience it? God wants this for us, just to not abuse it. BUT WHY??
I have heard this is in church my whole life. “Having sex before marriage is a sin and God will judge you.” When God designed sex, he designed it as two people who are joined in marriage to partake in the activity and multiplying and becoming one together. If we followed this one ideal… think how different the world would be. There would be way less STD’s, no need for abortions, and even the amount of kids without parents would go down! And the divorce rate would plummet. Having sex outside of marriage could literally be one of the key elements to saving millions of people from death and destruction.
God is not trying to take away from our pleasure but to guard our hearts!!! He cares enough to give us the freedom to partake in whatever we want, yet sets these rules and if we trust him enough than we can more enjoy this life. GOD WANTS US TO ENJOY LIFE. But we trade small moments of worldly happiness for eternal joy that comes from Him. Why do we do that?
My husband is an amazing man of Christ. He is so wise and leads me closer to Jesus everyday. I am so blessed to have him in my life. However, there is a riff. My husband was involved in a relationship in high school for 2-3 years with a girl and they decided to have sex. I was a virgin when we got married. Unfortunately this really made things difficult when it came time to “become one” in our relationship. I probably would have stayed at the reception of our wedding all night. Because I was constantly second guessing us. What if I didn’t compare to her? What if it wasn’t what he expected? What if this ruined us because I didn’t know what I was doing? This made it so hard on our marriage and continues to make it hard on our marriage.
I can’t say I’m completely innocent either. I did things I’m not proud of. All of a sudden these things that always made me feel guilty and dirty were supposed to be something that was beautiful and shared so intimately with one person. Our intimate bed became a puddle of muddled relationships with other people. This was the hardest thing to go through, and why? Because I felt guilty and I had no one to tell. My guilt and shame made me feel alone. My husband and me would fight because we couldn’t figure this thing out. Why was it this way? Because we didn’t rely on God and his promise that he would always take care of us and bring us eternal joy. Instead we relied on fulfilling our lives with worldly desires. After a year of being married I am beginning to understand so much and really ready to continue learning more and more every day. Because I promise I know that after a year of marriage, I don’t have all the answers. After 25 or 50 years, I still don’t expect to either. But we just rely on Jesus and what he did on the cross to make my mistakes a way to focus on his Glory.
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Kaylee lives and works in Denver, CO with her wonderful husband Patrick and their dog Denver. She is currently pursuing a degree in photography at the University of Colorado Denver, where she is famous for her impeccable taste in scarves and cardigans. Kaylee uses her gifts in film and photography to create “makes your eyes dance” powerpoint slides for her campus ministry. Kaylee is a formal member of the Geek Squad Target, where she is a beast at explaining technology to old people. In her spare time, Kaylee likes to disciple girls and kill zombies.