Unmet Expectations

Day 1 of our marriage... 
Plan:
1.10:00 flight 
2.Must leave hotel by 7:00 for the shuttle
3.  Must wear adorable new outfit and curl my hair.

Reality
1.  Woke up at 8:45
2.  Got a speeding ticket on the way to the airport
3.  Did NOT wear said cute outfit or curl my hair
4.  Almost missed our flight

What did you think when you first got married?  Or if you’re single, what do you think marriage is going to be like?  Do you have a plan for perfection?  For me, even though somewhere in the back of my mind I knew marriage was not always going to go as planned, day 1 of our marriage threw me into that true reality faster than I realized was going to happen! 

Things to don’t always go as planned.

When Jesse and I got married, we made a decision that we weren’t going to have a birth control plan and we were just gonna have as many babies as we had!  It was a decision that was made by faith.  The thought of God giving us more children than we could handle was a scary one, but my expectations were set even in that- if God gives us lots of kids, then I’m sure he’ll provide!  That was my attitude and my expectation.

First comes love... then comes marriage... then comes... INFERTILITY?  Wait... what?  That’s not how it’s supposed to go! 

Jesse and I had been married for a few years when we found out about a very specific infertility issue... the news was devastating and rocked me to my core.  How could this happen?  This wasn’t the plan.  If my purpose didn’t include being a mom HOW could I possibly even have a purpose at all?

I spent a lot of nights crying.  I declined a lot of invitations to baby showers.  I struggled to say congratulations to pregnant friends.... there was a lot of time grieving. One night as tears wet my pillow, i said to Jesse “I just don’t even know what I’m doing here!”  


Do you remember what your purpose is? That’s what my husband asked me.  My purpose statement since I was a sophomore in college has been “To glorify God by loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love others as myself, pointing them to the Savior Jesus.”

Purpose brought me back. The next morning I stepped out in faith in my purpose.  I went to a Bible study... started leading a Bible study... remembering that my purpose in life does not depend on my circumstances.  Whether single, young, old, infertile or with 20 kids, I can still love God and love others!  Even though I was still grieving, I was able to stay on mission.

I’m thankful for my husband always pointing me back to my mission and my purpose.  In the midst of  unfulfilled expectations, God is always showing us that He works things for the good... and for His purpose!  And then He comes through in really cool ways!

DAY 1 of Marriage:
Maybe I didn’t look as cute as I wanted to, but we had a really funny story of waking up late, getting ticketed and THEN miraculously running into my DAD at the airport who got us in the VIP line for ticketing and whisked us to our flight right on time!

YEAR 4 of Marriage:
Maybe God didn’t give us babies biologically but man oh man did He give us an amazing story of 2 little girls through adoptions... providing financially and showing us so much about His character!

And in the end God is showing me that my purpose remains the same.  Loving my husband above myself.   Loving our girls and pointing them to Jesus.... and being involved in the great commission in marriage, parenting and in my interactions with others! 

God did not fulfill my expectations in marriage- but by His perfect plan, He is making himself known through the circumstances in my life.

About Rhonda

Rhonda attended Oklahoma Baptist University for two years until she felt called to reach out to a secular campus.  She then transferred to Mesa State where she graduated in 2004 with a B.A. in Counseling Psychology. She now serves as a missionary to college students and has a passion for reaching out to young women.  God has a purpose and design for who he wants Godly women to be, and Rhonda is excited about helping women find freedom and joy in His purpose.

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