5 Tips For The Struggling: Missional Marriage

We all want formula's for marriage. A simple twelve-step plan to make marriage easy, compatible, joyous, and missonal.

But let's face it, marriage is hard. 

I remember it well, nearly two decades ago. I sat across from my husband, two small children asleep upstairs. 

“I can't do this”, I cried. But today, I still can't remember why the fight broke out.

I believed in true love, but let's face it, the trenches of real-life marriage can be far from easy. 

“I don't know why, but I feel like we are supposed to be together.” My husband whispers. “Like God has something good planned for us.”

I grumbled and scowled. I huffed and puffed. But deep down, I knew He was right.

I didn't tell him at the time, but when he said “we are supposed to be together”, I heard what sounded like a lion roar inside, telling me also, God had a reason for us being together.

In retrospect, two decades later, I can see the fruit of “sticking it out” in that moment.

And while there are no formula's for a perfect marriage, we've learned some basic principles making missional marriages, just a little bit easier.

1. Ask for wisdom. (James 1:5-6) Let's face it, we can't do this marriage-thing without Him. When we ask for wisdom, He will give it, liberally. However, the part we often miss is that verse six says, we must ask in faith, without wavering or doubting. 
2. Hold on. You may feel like I did, like the fishermen up all night working on your marriage, but accomplishing nothing. Yet, John 21:6 tells us that just when the disciples had given up, that's when Jesus came. He directed the fishermen to try again, this time throwing their nets to the other side. When the disciples obeyed, they found an over-abundance of fish. What if instead of quitting, we embraced our weakness and looked in hope for His direction? The same lake that now may seem to have nothing, just might hold abundance that you just can't quite see yet.
3. Keep Stepping Forward Despite Your Surroundings. In the story of, The Tortoise and the Hare, the tortoise didn't win because he was fast, smart, or better than the rest. He won the race because he kept on putting one foot in front of the other, keeping his eyes on the finish line. What if the goal isn't appeasing the cheering (or critical) crowd, or even beating those hare's in our life that are loud and proud. What if God just wants us to make it across the finish line, so that our testimony can be one of His strength, perseverance, and power?
4. Forget Your Feelings – Arranged marriages almost indefinitely last. Why? Likely, not because of passion and perfection, but because of determination and purpose. Marriage is a commitment, not a gauge determined by your feelings at the moment. Jesus likely didn't feel like going to the cross, but that's where our redemption was. And could it be, the solid foundation of true love lies concrete just under that tidal wave of our fluctuating feelings? 
5. Trust His faithfulness. 2 Timothy 2:13 tells us, “When we are faithless, He is faithful.” If anyone's marriage should have failed, it should have been mine. But God has been faithful, even though much of what we have done has been imperfect and flawed.

My husband and I just got back from traveling around Asia, where we sat on the floor with parent-less children. We laughed, sang, looked back in awe at our last ten years of foster and adoption ministry. 

Our testimony isn't one of perfection, but perseverance, not fairy tale dreams, but a life lived missionally, clinging to Him, watching God take ashes and turn it into beauty. 

And maybe today you feel like you keep casting your net and it keeps coming up empty. Ask for His wisdom, hold on, keep stepping forward, forget your feelings, and trust His faithfulness. 

He never failed us, and He won't fail you. Marriage is something worth fighting for.

About Jen

Though born, raised, and still living only miles from where she grew up, Jen's heart lies in the nations. Jen loves the beautiful tapestry found in the wide diversity of people, different cultures, and all nations.  Jen and her husband have been married twenty years, and have parented fifteen kids and counting; twelve foster, one adopted, and two bios.  Her multi-racial family reflects her passion for unity, desire for faith without walls, and missional mindset to share both the gospel and the power of redemption to a world desperately needing the hope found in Jesus Christ. Jen and her husband have led in a variety of ministries; including prayer, small groups, children's, and women’s.  Jen advocates for the orphan as a board member for the non-profit, A New Song; and loves doing missions work internationally, along with her family.  You can find Jen writing about faith, while challenging her readers at her blog, Rich Faith Rising, as well as at tweeting faith-filled messages @Jen_Avellaneda .  Jen is also on facebook.  ​

---

If you'd like to read more from this contributor, type her name in the search box on the top right.

Sharing this over at these awesome blogs.