"I just don't like hanging out with them," she said. The conversation was loud enough that I could hear it, even though it was coming from my husband's phone. "Just hang it up, " I pleaded, "it's a pocket dial." He was glued to the phone, looking as if he had just been slapped across the face. More phrases came over the line, "...just really gets on my nerves...not who I thought she was." This was a conversation we were never meant to hear. Words shared between two friends about me and my husband. While I could have justifiably been angry about the situation, instead I found myself feeling nauseous. I was struck with guilt, wondering how many times I had done the same thing. Thinking of all the conversations I had had just that day, where the topic d'jour was another person. I have a bad habit of spewing unkind words when I'm angry with someone. As if that habit isn't bad enough, what makes it even worse is that it's in the absence of said someone. In layman's terms, that's what we call gossip. In my terms, I qualify it as "verbal processing". I justify it as necessary to get my feelings out in the open, so we can address the root issue. If only "verbal processing" wasn't filled with malice, slander, or bitterness. A few days post-verbal processing session, I'll run into the "friend" I've been processing over. Suddenly, I feel a wall between us. It's built out of feelings of guilt, awkwardness, and anxiety. This is because I can't get my own words out of my head. I hear myself saying nasty things and begin to wonder, "What if she found out what I said? What if she knew how I really felt?" In Ecclesiastes 10:20 we read, "Furthermore, in your bedchamber do not curse a king, and in your sleeping rooms do not curse a rich man, for a bird of the heavens will carry the sound and the winged creature make the matter known." Ever since the pocket dialing incident, I've thought about using that verse as lock screen on my phone as a note to self. But, even if I did, it wouldn't solve the problem. The bitterness toward my friend would still be present in my heart, whether or not I spoke that out loud. Gossiping about a friend reveals more about the state of my heart than the character of another person. If I find myself gossiping, it's time for a heart check with the One who knows exactly the right words to speak. It's time to allow Him to do some sifting to show me what needs to be go and what can stay. It's time to start over with this prayer of Kind David {Psalm 19:`14}, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer." When do you find yourself tempted to utter unkind words about someone? What does this reveal about your heart? About Keri![]() Most days Keri can be found cruising in her Swagger Wagon, reading a good book, or laughing with friends over large cups of coffee. She finds great fulfillment in serving those who might not walk through the doors of a church, but still desperately need the Hope that only God can give. She also enjoys learning about God through unorthodox means, and occasionally blogs about it at Pop Parables. She also gets in touch with her creative side at BringingCraftyBack. Keri lives in the Greater Seattle area with her husband, their three boys, and 2 weiner pups. Sharing this article over at these awesome blogs.
4 Comments
Ruth Anne Shattuck
5/8/2013 07:57:32 am
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5/9/2013 09:58:48 pm
Thanks for sharing this! It's such a great reminder. I too have have been guilty of 'verbal processing' only to feel guilty about it later. I need to work on 'verbal processing' to God alone! I especially liked this line:
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Keri
5/11/2013 01:18:07 am
I'm glad this resonated with you, Kelsey. May your interactions with friends be icky free this week. :)
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