I have described true vulnerability like being a filleted fish. Your outsides look completely different from your insides. Your insides are soft and fleshy while your outside is tough and scaly. And when you cut into that, this totally different, smelly side of you is expose to someone else. Your guts (not exactly your most attractive parts) spilling out of you – how is someone else suppose to respond to that?? The follow reasons is why opening up to others sucks: - It doesn’t feel good being cut into - You have to admit to your actual thoughts and feelings - Sugar sprinkles don’t make fish guts taste better (Think about it, does sugar coating sin ever make the situation better? Not really…) And you want to know the top reason why being real with others really sucks? The other person’s response. What if they judge you for your past/present circumstance? What if they never want to talk to you again? What if they label you something like The Overly Emotional Friend or The Touchy-Feely One? What if they tell you that you should hide what you just told them? What if they reject what you’re saying as true? What if they tell you the TRUTH (*GASP*) about what you’re doing is wrong or not? What if they share it with others? What if your secrets are exposed to everyone, and then other hear it wrong and then your life is now a game of rumor telephone? What if… Yep. The worst part about real vulnerability boils down to all the “what ifs” we roll around in our minds like old cud in a cow’s mouth. And to be honest and fair, sometimes those “what ifs” do happen. Sometimes people don’t respond the way we need them to. Sometimes people end up sharing your life to the local rumor mill. So is vulnerability still worth it, even though it can suck? Absolutely! (Those with a fear of vulnerability just cringed in their soul.) Being truthful about yourself with others is amazing because of the following reasons: - You get to share the real you with others, which makes the real you come out in all other areas of life. - You learn what God’s grace truly looks like, and appreciate the Gospel more - You find healing in the Light of Christ - You learn what people really, truly think about you and your sin. Which, more often than not, is not what the “what ifs” that were keeping you from sharing in the first place. Why are all these things so important? Because…. The REAL You + a healing you + reality from others + more love for the Good News of Jesus = A Missional Woman ready to live out the Great Commission Dear Lord Jesus, Please help me to not live in fear, “what ifs”, or complacency about my struggles and sin. Help me to reach out and share what is really going on in my life. Let me be filled with Your Holy Spirit to do the seemingly impossible tasks You’ve called me to, including living in the light and bearing my innards to others. In Your Name I pray… About LeahLeah works with Master Plan Ministries at Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO. Other than watching college students' lives change, she enjoys getting her mind blown by God and His Word, watching sci fi, baking cupcakes, and spending time with her hunky husband. If you'd like to read more from this contributor, type her name in the search box on the top right.
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Dear Friend (can I call you that? Good, because we're about to get real personal),
First things first, this place is a no-judgement zone. I'm not here to tell you all the reasons you're sinning or how disappointed I am in you. I'm just here to tell my story. I get the allure of Christian Grey. I get why it sounds so appealing to be Anastasia Steele. I get why you liked the books. I get why you want to see the movies. I get it, because I used to really enjoy those things too. See, porn and erotica used to be part of my routine. For years, I loved reading stories like that and "escaping into the romance" for a while. I heard that it was "natural" and part of a "healthy sex life". I even justified it for a while because I didn't think it was "technically porn". I mean I was just reading a story right? Nobody could get hurt from reading... But what I didn't see then, that I see so clearly now, was that those things were destroying me. There are parts of me that are forever altered because of those things. Things that I thought porn was fixing, became even more broken. I really think I was looking for fulfillment through porn and cheap romance novels. I was looking for something to fill the longing I had for someone else, to satisfy my sexual curiosity, to cure my boredom. I wanted porn to be all those things- a friend, a soul mate, a lover. One day I was reading something online and all of a sudden I felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach. Something deep in my soul spoke out, as if saying "if you keep up with porn, you will die". It was God's grace that I've walked away from that former constant. I remember the first time I told someone, and the many times after. The sting and shame went away as I was met with forgiveness and grace. Mentors walked alongside me and helped me figure out why porn was such a big deal for me. I think what it all comes down to is this- I wanted things out of porn that only God can give me. Only God can provide love and security, satisfy longing, give comfort. Our souls long for intimacy and romance. Where I thought porn satisfied those longings, it really broke me. It took me a long time (well, maybe I'm still figuring it out) to know what godly romance and intimacy looked like, to realize that even in sex, intimacy might be lacking. That true intimacy is found in closeness with God's spirit. So, maybe you're like me? Maybe these books or movies are your "escape" or you just like the "romance"? If so, maybe God will do in your heart what He did in mine? If you struggle with reading/watching porn and erotic stories, ask God to intervene in your life. Seek Him. Whatever your flesh is desiring from porn- intimacy, romance, love- will only be found in Jesus. Set your eyes on Him, the one who truly loves your soul. Because the truth is, when you realize the depth of His love, the vastness of His intimacy to you, and the passionate way in which He desires you, you see porn for the cheap imitation it is. Jesus is so worth it, my friends. Love, Your sister who's been there (Anonymous Guest Contributor) PS if you're struggling with this we recommend: * Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman's Heart by Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah K. Gresh. * Don't Let Fifty Shades of Grey Ruin your Valentine's Weekend at VerilyMag.com
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