I Used to Think Erotica Wasn't a Big Deal {An Open Letter to Christian Women About 50 Shades of Grey}

Dear Friend (can I call you that? Good, because we're about to get real personal),

First things first, this place is a no-judgement zone. I'm not here to tell you all the reasons you're  sinning or how disappointed I am in you. I'm just here to tell my story.

I get the allure of Christian Grey. I get why it sounds so appealing to be Anastasia Steele. I get why you liked the books. I get why you want to see the movies. I get it, because I used to really enjoy those things too.

See, porn and erotica used to be part of my routine. For years, I loved reading stories like that and "escaping into the romance" for a while. I heard that it was "natural" and part of a "healthy sex life". I even justified it for a while because I didn't think it was "technically porn". I mean I was just reading a story right? Nobody could get hurt from reading...

But what I didn't see then, that I see so clearly now, was that those things were destroying me. There are parts of me that are forever altered because of those things. Things that I thought porn was fixing, became even more broken.

I really think I was looking for fulfillment through porn and cheap romance novels. I was looking for something to fill the longing I had for someone else, to satisfy my sexual curiosity, to cure my boredom. I wanted porn to be all those things- a friend, a soul mate, a lover.

One day I was reading something online and all of a sudden I felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach. Something deep in my soul spoke out, as if saying "if you keep up with porn, you will die".

It was God's grace that I've walked away from that former constant. I remember the first time I told someone, and the many times after. The sting and shame went away as I was met with forgiveness and grace. Mentors walked alongside me and helped me figure out why porn was such a big deal for me.

I think what it all comes down to is this- I wanted things out of porn that only God can give me. Only God can provide love and security, satisfy longing, give comfort. Our souls long for intimacy and romance. Where I thought porn satisfied those longings, it really broke me. It took me a long time (well, maybe I'm still figuring it out) to know what godly romance and intimacy looked like, to realize that even in sex, intimacy might be lacking. That true intimacy is found in closeness with God's spirit.

So, maybe you're like me? Maybe these books or movies are your "escape" or you just like the "romance"? If so, maybe God will do in your heart what He did in mine?

If you struggle with reading/watching porn and erotic stories, ask God to intervene in your life. Seek Him. Whatever your flesh is desiring from porn- intimacy, romance, love- will only be found in Jesus. Set your eyes on Him, the one who truly loves your soul. Because the truth is, when you realize the depth of His love, the vastness of His intimacy to you, and the passionate way in which He desires you, you see porn for the cheap imitation it is.

Jesus is so worth it, my friends.

Love,
Your sister who's been there
(Anonymous Guest Contributor)

PS if you're struggling with this we recommend:  
* Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman's Heart by Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah K. Gresh.

* Don't Let Fifty Shades of Grey Ruin your Valentine's Weekend at VerilyMag.com