HGTV is Not About Me

HGTV has been one of the main channels I have going if I’m cleaning my house lately. I love shows where they renovate a trashy house and turn it into a jewel that you want to live in. New floors, new kitchen, new bathroom… everything looks so inviting to live in. I look at the before thinking, “You would never think that it’s the same house!”

I look around my house and think, “This place will never look that clean! I feel like its impossible to get it clean and organized enough to get even near that. If I didn’t have kids and a life it might look like that!”

Why do we desire clean and order even though it takes a lot to get there?

When I write this, I am in a very broken state of mind and heart. I feel like a mess inside and out. I feel like everything I touch fails (trips to the grocery store, birthday cake for my husband, serving my family). I feel ugly inside and out – I have this desire to look good, but my attitude seems to permeate ugliness into every area of my life. I feel like everything comes back to me and how selfish I am.

This morning I was talking to God, saying, “Out of all the places to live, I feel like you have to dwell in the dirtiest most run down shack on the planet. How can you stand living inside of me?!” You know what He brought to mind? Those beautifully renovated houses! The dream home with the shiny new floors, pristine countertops, beautifully arranged décor, sparkling bathrooms. The gasps as the homeowners walk though saying, “Is this really the same place?! I can’t believe this is our house!”

I picture Jesus sitting at the edge of a gorgeous king size bed – adorned with new sheets, pillows and comforter – with arms wise open saying, “Look! I am making everything new. I make my dwelling in you and I WANT to live with you. I will be myself here.” (Revelation 21:3,5) Could you imagine if the contractor of your remodeled house came and took a seat in one of the private and homiest spots in your house and said, “Man! I could really be myself here!”


Jesus – the engineer, the contractor, the interior AND exterior designer of your spirit!! He doesn’t skimp on putting the best building materials, top-of-the-line appliances, and high-end touches throughout the entirety of who you are. You want to know what He says when He looks at you?

He says, “Wow! I have to say that you are my favorite flip I have ever done! We had to do a total gut to get the wiring up to code, the plumbing to work, and the installation good. We even had to fix the foundation – but it was TOTALLY WORTH IT!! Since I was paying for this project, I didn’t want to spare anything expense to make this the best place for us to live in.”

I so often look at Jesus’ handiwork in me and think it looks like a dump. But the truth is that I AM a new creation – the old is gone, the new all that stands (2 Corinthians 5:7). In my mind picture, I collapse on the floor in Jesus’ arms and weep. “I can’t believe you made this,” I choke out. “I can’t believe the detail you made, the craftsmanship it took to do this! I’m so glad you’re staying here too, because the up-keep is enormous!”

Want to know His response?

“Didn’t you know? I’m also a master housekeeper! You won’t be cleaning up for the rest of your life!”

Oh Jesus! I keep feeling like I need to do, do, do to keep up with you and prove that I’m worth living inside. But You made me and keep my clean! THANK YOU!! Thank you for no longer judging me. Thank you for not looking at my failings as whether I’m good with you or not! Thank you taking care of everything so every day I can love and serve others like you. Let me not take this house for granted, but enjoy every space with you!

About Leah

​Leah works with Master Plan Ministries at Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO. Other than watching college students' lives change, she enjoys getting her mind blown by God and His Word, watching sci fi, baking cupcakes, and spending time with her hunky husband. 
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