“Just get me through this week.” he said with an anxiety ridden heart. Preparing for an overseas move with two small children, it seemed the to-do list was longer than our timeline. Our house needed tenants. The things filling that house, not worth much monetarily, were sentimentally valuable making us face the reality of choosing what to take and what to leave. We were in between saying goodbye to our community and stepping into the unknown that is Sarajevo, Bosnia. I won’t forget our 5 little Mexican neighbor girls, with whom we built a friendship, who taught us much of their culture and of welcoming those with no father.
There were funds to be raised. Plane tickets, settling, insurance...the money added up quickly.
If that wasn’t enough, there Josh sat with a torn achilles tendon beginning the long road of rehab. “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “You’ll be back to full function in six months.” SIX MONTHS?! But we are moving in four!!! Did we mention our secured apartment on the fourth floor with no elevator?!
We questioned God’s plan for us. When we thought all was lost, we discovered Miss Irby. She brought hope and purpose. God spoke to us in that moment, “all strikes are against you, but If I am for you, who can stand against you?”
Even with that encouragement, the road was still difficult. Josh frequently said, “just get me through this (fill in the blank).” This rehab. This cast. This surgery. This fundraising. This garage sale. This move. This side of the ocean.
We went to Battlefield Ministries for some “maintenance counseling”. Jane and Nathan discipled me throughout college so we wanted them to check in with us. We knew we were ok, but you know. Just to be sure.
As in all good counseling sessions, we realized we weren’t totally okay. Stuff came up to the surface. Josh pulled out his phrase that brought him hope “If I can just get through this…”
Nathan looked at Josh and said words we still remember “You know, Josh. If you keep saying that, you are just going to end up getting through your life.”
Through the past six years, the hardest of our lives, we remember what Nathan said that day. We’ve been tempted to say “let me just get through this…” but the problem is as soon as one thing’s over, another thing begins. Life doesn’t stop.
The past three weeks have been busy with ministry trips. While Josh was gone, I remembered that rainy day at Battlefield. “Don’t just get through this, really live.” It was hard. Mothering four children alone is just hard. But this whole life isn’t about me. It’s about God and bringing Him glory through everyday struggles.” I embraced this and did fun things that only happen when Dad is away. We watched movies. We stayed up late. We danced. I relied on my two older kids to do the dishes and cleaning after dinner so I could get the two little ones asleep. We read a lot. I ignored dishes during the day (and if you know me you know that is no small thing). And you know what? We enjoyed that time!
When Josh returned, I realized something new: I actually missed him more than I missed his help. Usually with Josh gone I just survive. This time, I started thriving.
Are you overwhelmed? Ask God how to ride those waves, appreciating the process He’s taking you through.
Pssst.... this post is apart of the 5th Annual Not About Me November Series. Check the rest of the posts out here.
And a video to have your own personal dance party!
“My Lighthouse” by Rend Collective
Taylor has lived over half her life desiring to know God and make Him known. She is the wife to Josh Irby and the mother to four beautiful children. She lives in Bosnia working with college students and young moms. She loves creating art and music and teaching her children piano. You can read more on her blog: Irby Road.
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