MISSIONAL WOMEN
  • Home
    • Ministry Resources for Women >
      • Beholding Him Freebie
    • Contributors
    • Statement of Faith
  • Blog
    • Ministry >
      • Evangelism {Win}
      • Discipleship {Build}
      • Living Missionally {Send}
    • God's Word >
      • Bible Study
      • Prayer
      • Devotionals
      • Bible Studies
      • Apologetics
    • Relationships >
      • Marriage
      • Singleness
      • Dating
      • Family
      • Friendship
    • World >
      • Social Justice Issues
      • Internet & Social Media
      • Politics
      • International
      • Science Revealing God
    • Life >
      • Image & Idenity
      • Health
      • Fashion
      • Food
      • Organization
  • Bible Study Resources
  • Prints
  • Stickers
  • Quiet Time Journals
  • Courses
    • Discover God's Calling
    • Women's Ministry Training Promo
    • How to Study the Bible
    • Women's Ministry Training Course
    • Growing in Your Faith Mini Course
  • Retreat
  • Video Bible Studies
    • Matthew
    • John
    • Galatians
    • Philippians
    • Know your Purpose
    • Creation Reveals
    • Ministry
    • Heart Growth
  • You Are Unshaken Book
    • Unshaken Groups
    • You Are Unshaken Paint Party
    • Unshaken Freebies
  • Shop
Picture

5 Keys To An Un-Offendable Heart

2/4/2016

29 Comments

 
Picture
“She was mean to me”, “They excluded me”, “He violated me”.  Haven't we all heard them...the excuses people use to justify building walls around themselves? 
And yet it is clear, those who love much, will have to overcome offense.

I remember when a group of people set me up to exploit me. I loved them deeply, but they purposely exposed, connived, and betrayed me. I was hurt, deeply. 

Still, every grudge we hold is like taking a brick and placing it between us and the other person. 

As time goes on, offenses can cause us to build an entire fortress around ourselves, without us even realizing it.

Proverbs 18:19 tells us, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.”

In Bible times, walls were common. They existed around cities and groups of people. Another name for these fortresses is, “defensive walls”. 

And yet, haven't we all gotten “defensive” when another has hurt us; put up walls, placed bricks, put up barriers in hopes to protect ourselves? 

As Missional Women, we can't afford to get defensive, let walls of offense be built up between us and those we are ministering to, if we want to reach the nations. 

Scripture says, offense is like a stumbling block, or the stick holding up a trap. When tapped, it imprisons us. 

But, let's not take the bait. 

Matthew 24:10-12 says in the last days many will be offended, betray and hate each other. Yet, there are ways we can live with unoffendable hearts. 

  1. Forgive Others Words: Ecclesiastes 7:21 says, “Do not take to heart all the things people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you.” Too often we unnecessarily ruminate on negative dialogue, allowing the seed of offense to plant somewhere deep in our conscience. But, by remembering we also have unknowingly said things that have hurt others, we can forgive words, and give grace, removing bricks of offense before they're put into place.
  2. Rid ourselves from guilt and sin: Titus 1:15 tells us, “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.” Offense in Scripture is often connected with guilt and sin. Offense also comes from jealousy, a self-grandiose perception of ourselves, or fighting for our own rights as individuals. (James 3:16) Yet, we can forgive when we stop pointing fingers, and first make sure our conscience is clean, living pure and with purpose, to where even the greatest offenses can't stick to us. No one can be a stumbling block unless we let them.
  3. Keep moving: Nothing will stop the progression of the gospel faster than offense. Offense closes churches, hearts, stops church-attendance, hinders love from flowing through us. Proverbs 19:11 tells us, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” What if we ran harder, loved stronger, pressed in deeper every time opposition came? How might His glory shine brighter if we overlooked an offense and simply kept running this race?
  4. Let love smother pain: The goal of the enemy is make our hurt, pain, sadness, fear, and frustration, be the focus of our energy. But God says,“love is not easily offended”, (1 Cor 13:5), “love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8)“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, [be] eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace,” (Eph 4:8). What if we loved so radically, offense had no air to breathe in? What if we lived soaked in mercy, love reigned more than bitterness?
  5. Let Him be our defense. Abuse or malicious treatment is never o.k. Sometimes, God calls us to the safest thing which is to love people from a distance. But even then, we can handle offense with grace, trusting He is our defender, refuge and safe place. (Prov 91) All great works come not by might, or by power, but by His Spirit. (Zack 4:6) And we can trust Him to defend us when we let Him be our shield and fortress. 

Jericho had a 12-15 feet high retaining wall holding up a 6 foot wide and 20-26 foot high mudbrick wall around it. A 46 feet wall was also encamped around Jericho. Yet, it wasn't by force, the Israelite's took Jericho. 

When we give him our hurt, He can tare down every wall in us too, following Jesus model on the cross, “Lord forgive them, for the know not what they do”. (Luke 23:34)

About Jen

Picture
Though born, raised, and still living only miles from where she grew up, Jen's heart lies in the nations. Jen loves the beautiful tapestry found in the wide diversity of people, different cultures, and all nations.  Jen and her husband have been married twenty years, and have parented fifteen kids and counting; twelve foster, one adopted, and two bios.  Her multi-racial family reflects her passion for unity, desire for faith without walls, and missional mindset to share both the gospel and the power of redemption to a world desperately needing the hope found in Jesus Christ. Jen and her husband have led in a variety of ministries; including prayer, small groups, children's, and women’s.  Jen advocates for the orphan as a board member for the non-profit, A New Song; and loves doing missions work internationally, along with her family.  You can find Jen writing about faith, while challenging her readers at her blog, Rich Faith Rising, as well as at tweeting faith-filled messages @Jen_Avellaneda .  Jen is also on facebook.  ​

If you'd like to read more from this contributor, type her name in the search box on the top right.

Sharing this over at these awesome blogs.
29 Comments
Pam link
2/5/2016 10:17:43 am

Amen, Jen!! Right on target, but so easy to do. Some years ago I read a book entitled The Bait of Satan dealing with this issue. Thanks for the sound reminders of why we cannot yield to such temptations.

Reply
Jen link
2/5/2016 01:24:35 pm

Pam - "Bait of Satan", such a powerful book, life giving, and freeing! What victory we can have when we give up bitterness and refuse to have an unoffendable heart...so true!

Reply
Lisa notes link
2/5/2016 11:01:42 am

I've found that this trait of being "unoffendable" is so critical to letting our light shine. I recently read Brant Hansen's book, "Unoffendable," and was so convicted to try to live more this way. Thanks for these reminders, Jen!

Reply
Jen link
2/6/2016 10:17:22 am

Lisa - Love how you reminded me that it is an intentional, conscious decision to live this way! And how His light does shine brighter when our hearts are unoffendable! Thanks also for the book suggestion!

Reply
Karen A Del Tatto link
2/5/2016 11:14:07 am

Not more than two hours ago, I sat in my living room and told my daughter that it seems when a friend hurts me anymore it doesn't bother me; that I have become apathetic, because I have built up walls.

Wow! This post spoke right to the heart bringing with it heavy conviction.

Thank you so much for sharing. The Lord used you as His instrument to speak Truth in love and to encourage me to start tearing down the walls that I didn't even know I was building.

Reply
Jen link
2/6/2016 10:24:13 am

Karen - Tears fill my eyes as I read your comment, as oh how I have been there! After awhile it can just seem safer to resurrect walls against each other. But oh friend, how I will be praying for you, that He will gently, lovingly, ever so carefully tare down that wall one brick at a time.

Standing with you and believing that your tomorrows will be filled with freedom, more fuller joy, and continual open spaces. Thank you for sharing your comment! It blessed me today!

Reply
Quirky Homemaker link
2/5/2016 12:26:19 pm

Hi Jen! Long time, no see! Amen to all of this. This is something that I struggle with sometimes. I'm quick to forgive, but sometimes I am too quick to be defensive. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Stopping by from Friendship Friday. :)

Reply
Jen link
2/6/2016 10:29:59 am

Love seeing you here, friend! I once heard a statement that went, "If you pull trigger at a dead man, he won't flinch". At first it sounded morbid, but then I "got it"! I so want to live from such a place of humble surrender that even if another threatens or attacks me...I just won't flinch. Who was it, Paul who said, dying to self is being born again? So much to think about when it comes to living surrendered with an unoffendable heart. Thanks for your message and for stopping by!

Reply
Gayl link
2/6/2016 09:54:37 am

I'm visiting from #WeekendWhispers! So glad I stopped by. This is good advice you give and I pray that God will help us to put these into practice. These really stuck out to me: "What if we loved so radically, offense had no air to breathe in? What if we lived soaked in mercy, love reigned more than bitterness?" Thank you for your insights! Blessings to you!

Reply
Jen link
2/6/2016 10:31:59 am

Gayl - So appreciate your visit! Always love new friends stopping by, and especially taking the time to comment!

Reply
Deborah link
2/7/2016 05:44:19 pm

Much needed. This is something many of us never master and have to work on over and over again. Thank you for this today.

Reply
Jen link
2/8/2016 07:43:18 am

Deborah - Phenomenal point! Often the same brick of offense will recurrently try to slide in between us and another person. Love Scripture's call to forgive, 70 x 7, keeping our heart tender and palatable to Him. Thanks for sharing that crucial point!

Reply
Joanne Viola link
2/9/2016 05:33:44 am

Just beautiful! Something we need to remember time & time again.

Reply
Jen link
2/11/2016 07:48:18 am

Thank you, Joanne!

Reply
Alisa @ Flourishing Today link
2/10/2016 01:07:48 pm

Jen, you have no idea how much this speaks to me today. It is easy to get offended and defensive, especially when someone hurts your kids. Teaching your kids to overcome that pain, is even harder! But you are so right, in that love covers a multitude of sins. When we feel that hurt, there is a love that can heal even the deepest of pains. Thank you for this today. It is exactly what I needed right at this moment! Neighbors with you at #TellHisStory

Reply
Jen link
2/11/2016 07:57:20 am

Alisa - He has perfect timing, doesn't He? I can't tell you just how much I identify with your heart going out to your hurting kids. There is no deeper pain, than when your kids hurt with things we can't fix. But yes, even then, His love can redeem their pain, heal their wounds, use their circumstances as a witness and testimony to others over time and with His grace and presence. Praying for you in your child's circumstance today. May He touch them, and your mama's heart with healing, in a way no one or nothing else can else!

Reply
Stefani | Walls of Home link
2/11/2016 09:19:39 am

"What if we loved so radically, offense had no air to breathe in?" <<< LOVE that!! This is a wonderful, encouraging post - thank you SO much for sharing! I found you at the #livefree linkup - so glad I did! Blessings!

Reply
Crystal S. Hornback
2/11/2016 09:21:19 am

Oh my goodness, YES! What powerful words today! #livefreeThursday

Reply
Carolina Hinojosa-Cisneros link
2/11/2016 09:22:47 am

"What if we loved so radically, offense had no air to breathe in?" Whew! I'm going to place that on a sticky note on my computer. Fantastic! Great to connect with you at #LiveFreeThursday Have a blessed week!

Reply
YANJU
8/31/2016 06:59:57 am

THANKS FOR A GENTLE REMINDER TO LOVE

Reply
Gina
8/31/2016 09:27:50 am

Great post Jen! Great timing as well. As Ministers wife it's hard to please everyone. I believe a do have a forgiving heart, I try my best not to build walls, God worked in me in that area. I do however at times become defensive and find that other people are not so easy to forgive, then I at times feel guilt (I know the enemy is working there). I have admitted when I'm wrong, but others find it difficult to accept their faults. God is continually working in me, and your post hit home, I need to be careful-no walls coming up-blessings

Reply
Gina
8/31/2016 09:29:40 am

Great post Jen!
Great timing as well. As Ministers wife it's hard to please everyone. I believe a do have a forgiving heart, I try my best not to build walls, God worked in me in that area. I do however at times become defensive and find that other people are not so easy to forgive, then I at times feel guilt (I know the enemy is working there). I have admitted when I'm wrong, but others find it difficult to accept their faults. God is continually working in me, and your post hit home, I need to be careful-no walls coming up-blessings

Reply
Gina
8/31/2016 09:30:18 am

Great post Jen! Good timing. As Ministers wife it's hard to please everyone. I believe a do have a forgiving heart, I try my best not to build walls, God worked in me in that area. I do however at times become defensive and find that other people are not so easy to forgive, then I at times feel guilt (I know the enemy is working there). I have admitted when I'm wrong, but others find it difficult to accept their faults. God is continually working in me, and your post hit home, I need to be careful-no walls coming up-blessings

Reply
Gina
8/31/2016 09:31:23 am

Great post Jen! Good timing. As Ministers wife it's hard to please everyone. I believe I do have a forgiving heart, I try my best not to build walls, God worked in me in that area. I do however at times become defensive and find that other people are not so easy to forgive, then I at times feel guilt (I know the enemy is working there). I have admitted when I'm wrong, but others find it difficult to accept their faults. God is continually working in me, and your post hit home, I need to be careful-no walls coming up-blessings

Reply
Gina ? link
8/31/2016 09:32:21 am

Great post Jen! Good timing. As Ministers wife it's hard to please everyone. I believe I do have a forgiving heart, I try my best not to build walls, God worked in me in that area. I do however at times become defensive and find that other people are not so easy to forgive, then I at times feel guilt (I know the enemy is working there). I have admitted when I'm wrong, but others find it difficult to accept their faults. God is continually working in me, and your post hit home, I need to be careful-no walls coming up-blessings 🙏

Reply
Gina ? link
8/31/2016 09:33:09 am

Great post Jen! Good timing. As Ministers wife it's hard to please everyone. I believe I do have a forgiving heart, I try my best not to build walls, God worked in me in that area. I do however at times become defensive and find that other people are not so easy to forgive whatever situation arises-then I at times feel guilt (I know the enemy is working there). I have admitted when I'm wrong, but others find it difficult to accept their faults. God is continually working in me, and your post hit home, I need to be careful-no walls coming up-blessings 🙏

Reply
Gina
8/31/2016 09:44:03 am

Sorry Jen don't know why it posted so many times, it said error on my end. You can erase the others sorry

Reply
Angel link
7/30/2019 03:38:30 pm

Hi Jen!

I just wanted to let you know that I just stumbled across this post that you put up about three years ago. It's so very relevant to the situation that I'm currently in.

I really, really needed to see this message and the scriptures. This is a blessing to me and just gave me a bit more hope and direction on what I need to do. Thank you, thank you. Sending love and positive vibes from Bellevue, Ne. Xoxo

Angel

Reply
Nicole
8/5/2019 06:26:40 pm

Hi Jen,

I too, just stumbled across your site. I was searching for some practical and encouraging advice on how to become less defensive. With prayer and an open heart, have gotten much better in this area; however, I had a minor setback, due to a situation with a coworker today. Your post is a blessing to me as it is helping me to calm my spirit. I really don't like to take work-related matters home, let alone dwell on such matters. God bless you and thanks again for this timely message.

Nicole

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    New here? Head on over to the Home page to see what we're all about. 


    2 Free eBooks for Subscribers 

    Picture
    Picture
    Get your FREE copies.

    Subscribe
    ​

    Picture


    Popular Posts

    Picture
Missional Women a ministry of Master Plan Ministries
 
Contact
Newsletter
  • Home
    • Ministry Resources for Women >
      • Beholding Him Freebie
    • Contributors
    • Statement of Faith
  • Blog
    • Ministry >
      • Evangelism {Win}
      • Discipleship {Build}
      • Living Missionally {Send}
    • God's Word >
      • Bible Study
      • Prayer
      • Devotionals
      • Bible Studies
      • Apologetics
    • Relationships >
      • Marriage
      • Singleness
      • Dating
      • Family
      • Friendship
    • World >
      • Social Justice Issues
      • Internet & Social Media
      • Politics
      • International
      • Science Revealing God
    • Life >
      • Image & Idenity
      • Health
      • Fashion
      • Food
      • Organization
  • Bible Study Resources
  • Prints
  • Stickers
  • Quiet Time Journals
  • Courses
    • Discover God's Calling
    • Women's Ministry Training Promo
    • How to Study the Bible
    • Women's Ministry Training Course
    • Growing in Your Faith Mini Course
  • Retreat
  • Video Bible Studies
    • Matthew
    • John
    • Galatians
    • Philippians
    • Know your Purpose
    • Creation Reveals
    • Ministry
    • Heart Growth
  • You Are Unshaken Book
    • Unshaken Groups
    • You Are Unshaken Paint Party
    • Unshaken Freebies
  • Shop