You know those weeks? The weeks where your world is shaken? The weeks where you have to cling to what God says is true about you or you will just shrivel up? I just had one of those weeks.
I don’t get the “call me NOW,” texts from my dad very often. So, I immediately walked down the steps of the auditorium class, and called my dad from the hallway.
“Are you in a place where it would be bad if you freak out?”
“No,” I questioned.
“Zack killed himself in our cabin. I just called the police. He was such a good guy.”
I didn’t have words and my eyes were instantly blurry.
“I talked to him today,” Dad said, “I just can’t believe he actually did it. I can’t believe I didn’t know.”
In that moment I became numb. I realized how small I am, how big God is, and how thankful I am that Jesus died to forgive me. You see, death is sad— and suicide is horrible and I had made a mistake. I couldn’t help but to feel incredibly guilty. I had made the Gospel’s credibility about me.
Zack was terminally ill. He came to us looking for help. We employed him, gave him a place to stay and genuinely tried to fill his life with light. Long conversations and big smiles every time we saw him.
Two years ago I thought, “what a great opportunity to reflect God’s character… then once he knows that I’m a good person, I’ll tell him about Jesus.”
As if the Gospel needed ME to add to its credibility. The very raw truth is, that Zack did not need good people in his life… Zack (just like me and you) desperately needed Jesus.
The fact of the matter is, I didn’t use my words to live on Mission, I tried to use only my actions. That somehow, Zack would see my actions and understand that God sent His son to die on a cross to pay our debt because we were dead in sin.
Have you ever done that? Thought that you needed to improve yourself? Clean up your mess? Or prove your worth before sharing the Gospel? I did.
What would it have looked like if Jesus did that? What if Jesus was just a seemingly very good guy? But never taught, never told us who He was or what He was on earth to do out loud? What if He never explained God’s character, or that we would be forgiven? Would we look at Him the same way we do today?… I don’t think so.
As time has passed, and I have clung to God’s truth, I am reminded that His grace is sufficient. That people don’t save people, God saves people.
The Gospel’s credibility and worthiness was around long before you and I were, and will be after we are gone. Actions do speak loudly, but not as loudly as our words.
If we do our best to live the Spirit Filled Life and let our actions point back to the Gospel, but don’t stop at just that... If we speak the Gospel, breathe the Gospel, live out the Gospel! How much easier would it be for God to use us in His mission? How many more people would realize their need to be desperately dependent on Him?
Pssst.... this post is apart of the 5th Annual Not About Me November Series. Check the rest of the posts out here.
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Jacque is a college student in Denver, CO who balances her time between trying to go to class and learning about His saving grace and perfect love as much as she can. She is a twenty something, DIY attempting, Jesus loving, Denver living, small town rooted, Colorado sports fan. She loves black coffee, long conversations and watching people do what God created them for. You can find her on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
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