Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, longing just to bring something that's of worth... This my desire. But what can I bring? This week I made a bad judgement call and ended up loosing us $500 (booking the wrong hotel rooms), got angry at some guy I don't even know on facebook (for calling my husband names) and publically said rude things to him and then tried to justify it in my heart, and didn't speak up for myself in a situation I should have. What can I bring? All I have and am is tainted by the flesh. Longing just to bring, something that's of worth, that will bless His heart... Something more than a song, something He desires... What can I bring? I come with my Myrrh. A small scraggly tree with flowers that only bloom as they remain connected to the branch. Mhyrr, nothing great in and of itself but when put to the ax and the fire it has great value. An entire page full of benefits, including guarding against fever, food poisoning, cough & cold, mumps, measles, pox and infections on wounds, stimulating the mind, blood circulation, digestion and nerves. But it's most notable use is for embalming, preserving the dead. The wise man presented Jesus as an infant the embalming ointment symbolizing He was to die for the world. But isnt that what I want? To be a living sacrifice? A servant of the Almighty, yet daughter of the King dead to myself and alive to Him? And as Jesus died for the world, you and I die to the world. Laying down our life to take up His. This is what He desires. To take frailty and imperfect and refine it, to redeem it, to make it into the aroma of Christ. He doesn't want my self-made perfection. He wants Mhyrr. He wants our imperfections, our inadequacies and failures laid at His feet, following the example of the wise men. Something that has nothing of worth, but once it runs through His fingers it becomes something of great worth. I have nothing in an of myself to bring. Nothing that is fit for a King.
But what I do have, through the embarrassment and sadness I bring my failures and insecurities. He sets them to the ax and the flame and makes a beautiful offering to Himself, bringing redemption, bringing healing. I havent seen fully how. But I trust His Word. That He knows I am but dust and asks me to come. So here I am laying all of me at the foot of the cross. Waiting for my tainted scraggly tree to be turned into something of worth. This is my desire.
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I pride myself in the ability God gave me to trust Him. My faith didn't come from me mustering it up, it is a gift from Him. Not only is it a spiritual gift He gave me, but also a result from spending time in His Word (faith comes by hearing, and hearing from the Word of God) and it was built through many circumstances stacked on top of each other of trusting Him and seeing Him come through. The more you trust God, the more you trust God. BUT... when it comes to my kids, it seems so different. It seems I continually have a tightening grip on them coming from worry and fear. What if this and what if that. BUT GOD... Right in the midst of my worry, anxiety and desire for control to keep them from anything bad... right in the midst of what God calls that, sin (since whatever is not from faith is sin. Rom. 14:23) God leads, God rescues, God redeems, God shows grace upon grace, God steps in and saves me and my kids. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Rom. 5:8 Joseph. The worst thing I could ever imagine happening to my kids happens to Jacob/Israel's son, Joseph. He is sold into slavery. BUT GOD... comes though. When Joseph was in the worst of circumstances, God never left Him. Jacob/Isreal could not be there to keep Joseph from harm, BUT GOD was there. God never left him. He lead, He used it to rescue, He redeemed, He showed grace upon grace, He saved! But God coming through didn't look like it does most other places in Scripture. When God tells someone "I will be with you." He means He is going to come through for them in some remarkable way. (And He gives that promise to you, and to me when we step out and walk in the mission He gave us of making disciples. Mt. 28:19-20). With Moses, Joshua, Gideon, David and so on, "I will be with you" meant that God was going to come through and give victory over thier oppressor by pouring out His wrath and destroying them. But not here. God doesn't use Joseph to destroy Potiphar and the Egyptians. God doesn't rescue Joseph out of captivity, but ends up using Joseph's captivity to lead the Egyptians out of death (the plague to come in Gen. 41). Grace upon grace. What if some teacher at their preschool says something contrary to what God says is true? What if some kid is mean to them? What if thier privacy is invaded and little minds corrupted? My fears and worries for them come from all that is outside the home. But Joseph... and for many others I know (I dont have first hand experience here, since I grew up as an only child) the bad influence, the harm was not brought from outside the home, it came from within. Joseph's brothers sold him. Many others I know were exposed to pornography and drugs through older siblings. Just because they are in the home doesnt not mean they are exempt from harm. My grip alone, my control can not rescue, save, redeem and show grace upon grace. Only God. So whether inside the home or outside, only God is worthy of my trust of my kids. He promises He will come through in His concern and care for them: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isa. 41:10 "But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isa. 43:2 Throughout time, the Great I AM holds my kids (and your kids) in His tight grip... freeing me to loosen mine. This video will blow your mind reminding you how worthy Jesus is to have our full trust and loosened grip in everything. Ok, this picture does not do this meal justice. This is the greatest meal on the planet! It is Bob's favorite from Cafe Jordano. My favorite (apparently Bob's too). I love it so much that I have zero desire to try anything else (though I hear everything is great). I have been there too many times to count and have not tried one other thing on the menu. The cost is just too high for me to try anything new there since I know I would be missing out on my favorite. God showed me this is how I am in other areas. I have done college ministry full time for 10 years and I love it. It's my favorite. In my opinion college students are the most strategic people to minister to, not having made serious bad life choices that keep them from living on mission. They are still like wet-cement and can become very passionate for the Lord when yielded to Him. In fact, every past revival was started by college-aged people. God uses college students powerfully and I count it such a privledge to be used by God to see them become multiplying disciples. But... God is leading me to take a couple little steps toward women's ministry and I can see myself resisting because I love my favorite so much. But God is a Gentle and Faithful Leader. Thought is has taken me awhile to become willing to follow Him at the expense of my favorite, He never gave up on me. He never threw up His hands in frustration or thrashed at me in anger. He is Patient, knowing how to get my desires lined up with His. He brought me to willing. This past weekend I finally said ok. And truly surrendered the way my husband and I thought the Lord wanted me to. But to my shock, 2 days later, God opened our eyes to another way. I don't have to lay as much down as I thought and can still take a couple steps He is asking me to. What a gift! Not only to not have to give up all of my favorite but to be able to appreciate and live opened handed with it in a whole new way. What an incredible Gentle Leader and Heart/Desire Shaper we get to serve! Hagar (Gen. 21 and previous) shows us that sometimes God's will involves pain and suffering. And it also shows us that God provides for us. God told Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away and Scripture mentions nothing Abraham sending them off with food or any of the abounding resources he had. I feel bad for Hagar. Hagar's water runs out and she is hopeless. She honestly thinks her and Ishmael are going to die. Then what really stood out to me, "Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water." Was the well always there and they just didn't see it? Then it reminds me of 2 Kings 6:16 when Elijah prayed for Elisha's eyes to be opened and "he saw the hill full of horses and chariots of fire all around." Could it be that God is providing for us in ways more than we realize but we just can't see? Like today when I feel the pressure of needing more time and energy. Could it it be that God is providing everything I need for life and godliness but I am just not seeing it sometime? Oh Lord, open our eyes to see Your provision. I am reading through Genesis right now in my quality time with the Lord. Four ladies stand out to me who I'm sure can relate to each other. They each had a God honoring desire and each of them ended up bending the rules and resorting to deceit and trickery to get what they desired. Tamar Tamar (Genesis 38) was married to Er who was "wicked in the Lord's sight". He died and Tamar became a widow with no children. The law (Deut. 25) says the brother of the deceased husband is suppose to marry her and get her pregnant. So Judah gives Tamar his second son, Onan. But he was a jerk. He married her to keep up the appearance of honoring God but wouldnt actually get her pregnant. The Lord put him to death and Tamar is a widow again. Judah had one last son but he was afraid he die too, so he didnt give him to her. (He said he would when the son got older, but that was not the case.) Judah preferred disobedience and disgrace because he was fearful of his last sone dying. Very ironic since that is exactly why his other sons died, because of disobedience and disgrace. Well, Tamar's desire for a child was good, a desire given by God. And her desire to have her husbands family provide that son was honoring to God. But the way she went about it... not good. She pretended to be a prostitute after Judah's wife died and got pregnant by him. Then when he threatened to stone her, she revealed she was pregnant by him. When she didnt get what she wanted she resorted to trickery and deceit rather than communicating with Judah and trusting God. Sarai (Later re-named by God Sarah) Sarai didnt even consider having kids in her old age. But in Genesis 16:2 we see her trying to make it happen by giving her maid-servant to her husband to sleep with. Sarai, like Tamar desired something good (In fact the desire wasnt even there until God told them she would have a child) but instead of trusting God, she bent the rules and went beyond and twisted what God had said to get what she wanted. Lot's Daughters (Whose names aer not even mentioned) Lot and his daughters were rescued from God's wrath poured out on Sodom, and lived in a cave with their father. They had a good desire, just like Sarai and Tamar to carry on their family line and have children. And thought this desire for children was not bad, the way they went about it was very destructive. They got thier dad drunk and slept with him. Then each of them gave birth to a son which resulted in Israels two greatest enemies and who were responsible for the most carnal seduction and human sacrifices. Ugh. God's way leads to life and fruitfulness without end. Our way independant from Him leads to death. * What desires has God given you? * Will you yield them to Him if He requests that you do so? (Are you holding them loosely?) * What woud it look like to resort to trickery, deciet or bending the rules in seeing your desire fulfilled? * Why in the world would you trust God with these desires? I am struck by the reality that pain and fear can easily deter us from what God has "called" us to do. And in the craziest way! It causes us to question what God really "called" us to, just like Satan did to Eve.
Ok, so I am writing a 12 week bible study on 1st Samuel (which I love doing) and one of the weeks talks about doing whats right no matter the cost. Which I believe is going to be more and more of a big deal in our culture as we prepare the way for the Lord. I believe it is going to get harder and harder to do what's right. (And did you know, a martyr is someone that dies for not only standing up for Christ but also for the Word of the Lord-doing what He says is right) And I just love how God uses real life examples to teach us His truth. That is totally what He is doing in my life right now. Austin and I heard about snowflake adoption (adopting an embryo that was made through other couples doing in-vitro fertilization. There are over 400,000 babies in freezers waiting to be adopted and only 200 people have adopted them.) about a year ago and saw God leading us to do it in the future. Well, now its the future and again we saw God showing us now was the time. Galatians 6:10 says "as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people..." and we believe God has given us "opportunity" to provide a womb for a baby to grow in... a home. We believe the right thing to do is to adopt a baby that was abandoned. So, we started the process. But then... how do I explain what happened. Well, after 3 Dr.'s appointments (each worse than the one before) Things came into perspective. It was going to be twice as much $ as we thought. And the drive to the Dr. was crazy far, and I was going to have to give myself shots (I Hate needles!!) everyday for 3 months! And the list goes on and on of inconveniences. But a couple of friends of mine are great at recognizing when we make an idol out of connivence. So, on my first drive home from the doctor, as I was crying and telling God I wasn't sure if I could do it. He reminded me that life was worth it... Life is worth the inconvenience. So, I determined not to bow to the idol of convenience. After Dr. appointment #2 and hearing about the 1 1/2" long needle that I would have to give myself everyday and not having coffee and having to be on bed rest for 2 days and not being able to lift my boys for 2 weeks, I really thought "God, for real, I really don't think I can do this" And then after Dr. appointment #3 where some tests didn't work and some even more invasive procedures were going to have to be done, I started questioning the "calling" and hoping and praying for God to give me some sign that He really wanted us to do this. How crazy! I actually turned to a mystical experience or circumstance when it got hard rather than trusting that God's Word and believing it was right and was enough. I Love God's Word and that is why it weirds me out that my default when things got hard, was to put my trust in mysticism and circumstances. Yuck! Why in the world does it seem like circumstances (which can totally be set up by Satan sometimes) and mystical experience or feelings would be more reliable that God's Word when things got hard? Austin said it is like when our faith is bumping up against our flesh that we tend to look for other life lines. What an eye opener to even the word "calling". How really most of the time when we use that, we are meaning we had some experience or mystical feeling or circumstance or something and that means God wants us to do something. Instead of just reading His Word and realizing that He for real wants us to do something whether we "feel" like it or not. God has "called" us to do what's right, to share our faith, to take the gospel to those who haven't heard, to pray etc. But God is so great... oh how His grace is sufficient! The next day He spoke verse after verse to me and opened my eyes to this and gave me strength to trust Him and His Word more than anything else. Here's the verses He spoke to me regarding moving forward with this adoption. "But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" 1 Pet. 4:13 "Let us not become weary in doing good" Gal. 6:9 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is true worship." Heb. 12:2 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Rom. 8:18 "Whatever you do for the least of these you do for me." Mt 25:40 "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out... who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord." Rom. 7:18, 24, 25 "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly" (He took on physical infliction for the benefit of those who couldn't do anything about their condition. Through his suffering He freed us from what held us back from doing what were created to do-glorify HIm. Carrying this baby would give it life and give it opportunity to do what he or she was created to do-glorify God) "My grace is sufficient for you..." 2 Cor. 12:9 |
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