I am struck by the reality that pain and fear can easily deter us from what God has "called" us to do. And in the craziest way! It causes us to question what God really "called" us to, just like Satan did to Eve.
Ok, so I am writing a 12 week bible study on 1st Samuel (which I love doing) and one of the weeks talks about doing whats right no matter the cost. Which I believe is going to be more and more of a big deal in our culture as we prepare the way for the Lord. I believe it is going to get harder and harder to do what's right. (And did you know, a martyr is someone that dies for not only standing up for Christ but also for the Word of the Lord-doing what He says is right) And I just love how God uses real life examples to teach us His truth. That is totally what He is doing in my life right now.
Austin and I heard about snowflake adoption (adopting an embryo that was made through other couples doing in-vitro fertilization. There are over 400,000 babies in freezers waiting to be adopted and only 200 people have adopted them.) about a year ago and saw God leading us to do it in the future. Well, now its the future and again we saw God showing us now was the time. Galatians 6:10 says "as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people..." and we believe God has given us "opportunity" to provide a womb for a baby to grow in... a home. We believe the right thing to do is to adopt a baby that was abandoned.
So, we started the process. But then... how do I explain what happened. Well, after 3 Dr.'s appointments (each worse than the one before) Things came into perspective. It was going to be twice as much $ as we thought. And the drive to the Dr. was crazy far, and I was going to have to give myself shots (I Hate needles!!) everyday for 3 months! And the list goes on and on of inconveniences. But a couple of friends of mine are great at recognizing when we make an idol out of connivence. So, on my first drive home from the doctor, as I was crying and telling God I wasn't sure if I could do it. He reminded me that life was worth it... Life is worth the inconvenience. So, I determined not to bow to the idol of convenience.
After Dr. appointment #2 and hearing about the 1 1/2" long needle that I would have to give myself everyday and not having coffee and having to be on bed rest for 2 days and not being able to lift my boys for 2 weeks, I really thought "God, for real, I really don't think I can do this" And then after Dr. appointment #3 where some tests didn't work and some even more invasive procedures were going to have to be done, I started questioning the "calling" and hoping and praying for God to give me some sign that He really wanted us to do this. How crazy! I actually turned to a mystical experience or circumstance when it got hard rather than trusting that God's Word and believing it was right and was enough. I Love God's Word and that is why it weirds me out that my default when things got hard, was to put my trust in mysticism and circumstances. Yuck! Why in the world does it seem like circumstances (which can totally be set up by Satan sometimes) and mystical experience or feelings would be more reliable that God's Word when things got hard? Austin said it is like when our faith is bumping up against our flesh that we tend to look for other life lines.
What an eye opener to even the word "calling". How really most of the time when we use that, we are meaning we had some experience or mystical feeling or circumstance or something and that means God wants us to do something. Instead of just reading His Word and realizing that He for real wants us to do something whether we "feel" like it or not. God has "called" us to do what's right, to share our faith, to take the gospel to those who haven't heard, to pray etc.
But God is so great... oh how His grace is sufficient! The next day He spoke verse after verse to me and opened my eyes to this and gave me strength to trust Him and His Word more than anything else. Here's the verses He spoke to me regarding moving forward with this adoption.
"But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" 1 Pet. 4:13
"Let us not become weary in doing good" Gal. 6:9
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is true worship." Heb. 12:2
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Rom. 8:18
"Whatever you do for the least of these you do for me." Mt 25:40
"For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out... who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord." Rom. 7:18, 24, 25
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly" (He took on physical infliction for the benefit of those who couldn't do anything about their condition. Through his suffering He freed us from what held us back from doing what were created to do-glorify HIm. Carrying this baby would give it life and give it opportunity to do what he or she was created to do-glorify God)
"My grace is sufficient for you..." 2 Cor. 12:9