We live in a day and an age where sexual immorality is infiltrating our society. TV shows wanting to push their show to the edge are bringing in more sexual content, promiscuity, and moral impurity. Advertisements try to make even tires look sexy!! These are the things our men are facing!
Some statistics of men’s struggle I found on Barna.org are: * “Nearly one in five Americans (18%) say they are tempted to view pornography or sexually inappropriate content online. Men more commonly admit being tempted to view porn than women (28% versus 8%).” (site) *Moasics (Age 25 and under) are twice as likely to view porn than Baby Boomers (site) CitizenLink – affiliated with Focus on the Family – gathered research on men and pornography in an article posted in January that shows some startling facts: * “In the Focus on the Family/Zogby poll, 21 percent of the public polled said they had ever visited a sexually oriented website, while18 percent of married people and 18 percent of those who call themselves ‘born again’ Christians had done so.” * “According to a survey of more than 500 college students in 2006, 73 percent reported having seen pornography online prior to age 18, including 93 percent of boys. An article about this study in Cyberpsychology & Behavior reported that the mean age for first online exposure to pornography for boys is 14.3.” (To read more, please visit Citizenlink.com) Malcolm and I were married in the summer or 2011, and these past two years have been a big learning curve for me in the ways of men. Especially how they think and view the sexualized world around them. Now, I realize I’m still young and have much to learn in this area of marriage. I am far from perfect in this area, and still can’t seem to get even these points down!!
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Malcolm and I have made quite a few trips within the 2 years we have been married. With both sets of parents living hours away, friends getting married in a few states away, ministry taking us from place to place, and climbing looking so much cooler than the boulder in our backyard (yes, I am a devoted wife to a climbing junkie), we have put well over 10,000 on the Subie! Though the buns get tired and the traffic gets under my skin, I actually enjoy when I get to spend time with just my best friend with no distractions.
Though I’m not always the best traveling companion, nor perfect in doing anything missionally (oh boy do I have so much to learn!), I have come up with some ways that make our car rides more memorable and missional – and let me know if you have tips too!! I’m always up for more ideas. Living on mission seems a bit more difficult when we're flooded with bad habits, don't you think? Part of really living out the Great Commission requires us to face our junk and learn to stop living out of our flesh.
I think about the times I have wanted to serve Jesus and it just seems harder because of mistakes and bad habits I have trapped myself in. Especially in marriage. (P.S. The "how-to's" here are applicable to most of life, just FYI.) Following is a continuation of several things I have learned over the past four years of marriage to my amazing husband! (Read Part 1 Here) Marriage is quite the journey, and we have been so blessed to have an amazing God walk the road with us. Thanks for reading. Lesson Three “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” 1 Corinthians 13:1 Scott and I spent a weekend together earlier this year and got the chance to sit down and write out goals for our year. We wrote down goals, verses to focus on, and books to read together in the areas of our marriage, our two children individually, and our ministry/relationship with God. It was such a great time to connect and talk about each of these areas and share our dreams, desires, and prayers! The verse above was one of the ones that we wrote down to focus on for our marriage. It’s something that we don’t want to forget because love is such a big part of a marriage! We don’t ever want to be the couple who seems like we have it all going our way and we do and say everything just right, but then when it all comes down to it, nothing we do or say is out of love, because that is just a loud, annoying noise to our God and it makes a marriage very hard. Oftentimes I have to ask myself if I am doing things because people are watching and I want them to think I’m the “perfect” wife or if I’m doing things because I love the man God’s given me and I want to serve him. Perhaps if it is just out of duty or because of how others might see us then maybe we should go on more weekend dates with just our husbands and remember the reasons why we fell in love with them again. Lesson Four “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 Marriage and life are tough. I mean, there are days and months that are amazing and wonderful and might feel easy breezy but sometimes it is so hard! The good thing is that God knows this… He knows what we are dealing with and has told us that life, even the Christian life following Christ, has its tribulations and difficult people to deal with and other trials along the way. But, the awesome part is that our Lord is faithful and He won’t just drop us and walk the other way leaving us to figure it all out. He renews us day by day and “Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed!” How awesome is that! Marriage is amazing and having someone to spend each day with and someone who helps me grow closer to my Lord and Savior is such a wonderful blessing in my life. I’m so thankful that God has given me someone to walk through life with. I’m so thankful that He has given both Scott and I people who encourage and pray for us, and that God shows us in His Word what love is supposed to look like between a husband and wife. And, each day I’m very glad that we have a God who never leaves us to walk through this journey alone. He is so, very faithful! About Natalie![]() Natalie graduated with her Elementary Education degree in 2008 and now serves as a missionary to college students with Master Plan Ministries. Outside of ministry, she loves taking pictures of her husband and two children, scrap booking photo memories of vacations and day-by-day moments. She is so thankful for the opportunity to be a mentor to women who are faced with the peer pressure and endless life choices of daily college life, and is excited to see God’s transforming work as He shows His grace and love to these students and prepares them for the years ahead. Sharing this article over at these awesome blogs.
It’s been four years now since I walked down the aisle to the love of my life and said “I DO” to a lifetime of love, ministry, surrender, and adventure with my wonderful hubby! I can truthfully say that marriage has been one of the very best things that has ever happened in my life, but I would not be truthful if I said that it hasn't been work and time on each of our parts. There are so many things I could share that we have learned over the past four years through the day by day moments of having two children, living in three different homes, changes of jobs, and now going through the process of raising support to be in full-time college ministry! But, instead of listing all of them, I will share a few of the most important lessons we have learned through our marriage journey so far.
Day 1 of our marriage...
Plan: 1.10:00 flight 2.Must leave hotel by 7:00 for the shuttle 3. Must wear adorable new outfit and curl my hair. Reality 1. Woke up at 8:45 2. Got a speeding ticket on the way to the airport 3. Did NOT wear said cute outfit or curl my hair 4. Almost missed our flight Do you remember the Disney movie “The Little Mermaid”? Ariel trades her life in the sea to pursue a human she has fallen in love with. But like every good story, it doesn’t come easy. In fact, Ariel almost loses the love of her life to another woman. But when all is said and done, it all works out and they both live happily ever after. Of course they do. But did you know that in the original fairytale, written by Hans Christian Andersen, this was not the case? In his story, The Little Mermaid does lose the love of her life to another woman. She actually carries the train of the other woman’s bridal gown…and stands by while she marries her prince. And it gets worse… She is now destined to die because she couldn’t find love. But there’s a twist! She can be saved…if she’ll only slay her love with a magic knife. But The Little Mermaid can’t bring herself to kill the man she loves, so she casts herself into the sea to her death. Well I guess we can see why Disney took the liberty to change the ending a bit! I don’t think this version would go over too well. While I understand the revision, a part of me wonders if we are becoming too accustomed to the idea of “happily ever after”…so much so that we are often unable or unwilling to even engage with the idea of losing our life for someone else’s happiness instead of our own. I don’t know about you, but I set out for marriage with a Disney version in mind. I got married for the happy ending, not to go into the business of losing my life and all that craziness. But you know what I eventually learned? God didn’t invent marriage to make us happy. I know that’s a kick in the gut. But it’s true. Everything God has created is purposed to reveal His glory, and marriage is no exception. It’s a beautiful display of God’s covenant with His people. We make vows that we will never leave or forsake one another, because this is the Truth God wants to speak to us. In this instance, I think Andersen’s version hits the mark a little better. After all, Jesus said it himself more than 1800 years before this tale was ever written: “Greater love has no man than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend”. Are we setting out in marriage with this goal in mind? To lose our lives for the sake of our spouse? Most of us can love pretty well if the right conditions are met. But are we prepared to love when it costs us everything? Even our own ideas of a happy ending? I actually think being unhappy is a fate worse than death for many of us, and the instinct for survival is powerful. In a life and death decision, it is only Love that can bear the weight of the right choice. This kind of love is tough, and we need God’s help to do it correctly. But there’s a twist to this story too! Jesus tells us to sacrifice ourselves for others and ultimately for Him. That’s what marriage is truly all about. But He also makes us this stunning promise: “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it”. Truth is, we will never go wrong when we love others for the sake of the Gospel. And that makes for a very, very happy ever after. About Nicole![]() Nicole is a wife and stay-at-home mom to three energetic children in Lake Villa, IL. In addition to writing, she enjoys serving as the Care Team Leader for her church's MOPS group and is also a part of the Sunday worship team. Other interests include performing Improv, venturing outdoors...and pretending to be a chef, thanks to the Food Network. Nicole has a heart for "getting real" with other women and helping them discover Jesus through honesty, empathy, and the power of "me too". Connect with her at MotherhoodConfessions.com I am a fighter. I learned to defend my small stature early in life. I protected my younger siblings. I competed for the highest grades and best jobs. I became skilled at arguing persuasively and powerfully with sarcasm and wit. Fighting is not always a good thing... ...but sometimes fighting is important. In college, I became a Christ follower and learned to use prayer as my weapon in spiritual battle. I began to fight daily against my selfish sin nature. I have become more involved in fighting for justice and causes that reflect God's heart. When I married Steve, I began a slow transformation of learning to discuss and disagree with my husband in healthy ways rather than divide and attack. (I'm still in that process.) Recently, I have come to understand what it means to fight as an ezer in God's army. Carolyn Custis James does a great job of describing this relationship, called the "Blessed Alliance"¹ in her book, Half the Church. Carolyn explains that the Hebrew words ezer kenegdo used for women in Genesis 2:18 and 20, commonly translated “helper suitable,” are very misunderstood outside of the military context in which they are always found. The word kenegdo implies a counterpart, and ezer means help. Carolyn points out that Biblical authors use the same word ezer 19 additional times in the Old Testament; three times for country allies (Is. 30:5; Ezek. 12:14; Deut. 11:34), and sixteen times for God Himself when Israel needed help in battle (Ex. 18:4; Deut. 33:7, 26, 29; Ps. 20:2; 33:20; 70:5; 89:19; 115:9, 10, 11; 121:1 – 2; 124:8; 146:5; Hosea 13:9).² From these verses, Carolyn encourages women in their God-given role as image-bearers and as "rulers" of His creation. She urges all women to join as full-partner, strong godly warriors with men in the spiritual battles we fight against evil in this world. This truth presents many opportunities for women, and I am certain that women can best contribute all that they are to the mission as they embrace their value and calling before God. Even before I knew the word ezer, it has been my privilege to co-warrior with Steve for almost 30 years now. For a long time we have done battle together for our marriage. Staying together has required a unified offensive attack against temptations, routine-ness, and busyness that could otherwise destroy our intimacy. I cannot assume that Steve will carry that responsibility alone. It takes both of us fighting shoulder-to-shoulder to keep our marriage healthy and strong. Steve and I have also fought for our children's wise choices and future; together we've taught them, disciplined them, cared for them, counseled them, and prayed for them. Again, this is not a battle to be delegated to just one person. We hold the line together here. We've also been committed to many other ministry challenges together, leading college students, professionals, families, women, athletes, and others to God's love and hope. We have served together, each drawing heavily on the other's strengths to avoid minefields, flank attacks, and discouragement from the enemy. I've grown to understand that being an ezer means that my unique gifts and abilities are crucial for victory - otherwise only half the army is fighting the war. During different life stages, my participation varied - sometimes I was on the front-lines with Steve, other times I was nursing the wounded from our base camp. No matter how I engaged, Steve always appreciated my help and partnership at his side. We both challenge and motivate the other to build the character, skills, and confidence to do our best. Wars require everybody's cooperation and sacrifice; spiritual battles more than any other. I hope this is encouraging to you. You are necessary. Your part is essential for victory. How will you get involved as an ezer? About Terry![]() Terry desires to love, live and lead in HIS strength and grace - with HIS passion and compassion - reflecting HIS wisdom and hope to others… preferably with a strong, black cup of coffee in hand. She writes from her heart journey as a wife, mom, ministry leader, and daughter of the King. Find her on twitter or blogging at MaturitasCafe.com ¹Custis James, Carolyn. Half the Church. Kindle version. (p. 19) Retrieved from Amazon.com
²Custis James (p. 112) **woman boxer image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net As I write this article, my husband and I are currently in a "tiffle." Ok, a big fight. I'm sulking in the corner of a local cafe with a big mug of coffee. That's ridiculous, isn't it? I flee from a marital issue and now you are supposed to read my thoughts on the subject? Ha!
Oh, sweet Jesus help me. I really am not qualified to write this article. Don't ask my husband's opinion right now, he might agree... But even before this fight the Lord led my thinking to the reality that every decision we make, the patterns we set up, and the marriages we live... are all on display to the world. Even this fight I find myself in. When I was in high school I had a list of rules concerning who I would date. Here’s what my list looked like...
1. The boy has to be a Christian. That was it. One rule. He didn't have to be walking in the Spirit. He didn’t have to have good boundaries. He didn’t even really have to treat me that great. As long as he said he was a Christian, I would date him. As I went through college, this rule pretty much remained the same until something happened- I had the worst relationship and then breakup ever. In ending the relationship, I saw that I had completely wasted the past few months of my life. I had been totally consumed in the relationship instead of the Great Commission. |