So maybe you read my last post (how to be friends with guys with out being weird), and you’re thinking “well that’s great, but what if I want to be more than friends?”
That’s great! Desiring a marriage with a godly man is a good desire, so long as it is continually submitted to Christ. Everything I wrote in that first post STILL APPLIES HERE! Make sure you go and read that post and start there! The best marriages begin as godly friendships.
Here are 10 tips on flirting with out being weird:
1. Walk with Jesus.
The first and most important thing about pursuing a godly relationship is to remember the most important relationship in your life. Trust that if you pursue God first that he will take care of the rest of your life. Spend time in His Word, pray diligently for the world around you, let God’s love consume you more than your desire to marry.
Whether you date someone or not, your walk with God will endure for eternity. You can not spend too much time focusing on your relationship with Jesus.
Godly men want to pursue godly women. If you desire to attract a man who passionately follows Jesus, then be a woman who passionately follows Jesus. The best way to see who might be a good match for you is to run hard and fast for God’s kingdom and see who is matching you stride for stride.
“Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and these things will be given to you as well” – Matthew 6:33
2. Talk to him
Okay friends, I know it can be scary to approach someone you like but how the heck are they even going to know that you’re interested or available if you never even say hi to them? Be normal, just say “Hi! How’s it going?” He isn’t going to assume you want to stop and have babies right then and there.
If you like a guy you HAVE to talk to them. Well I guess you don’t have to, but it’s probably not going to get anywhere if you don’t.
3. Make eye contact and smile.
Again, this is not weird. If you make eye contact and smile at a guy it doesn’t automatically mean you are going to get married. He won’t think you’re being weird. In fact, he will probably think you’re weird if you constantly avoid ever making eye contact with him. If you catch him glancing at you or he catches you glancing at him don’t immediately look away in embarrassment! Just smile for a quick second before looking away. It shows that you are fun and interested.
4. Ask him questions about his life
If you want to date someone you probably are going to want to know what they are interested in! So ask them! “What music are you listening to lately?” “What do you like to do?” “What are your favorite TV shows?”
And then genuinely be interested in their responses. Ask follow-up questions. Share something that you like. Just have a normal conversation like you would with a girl that you are just getting to know also.
5. Compliment and encourage him
Okay. So this is where things could maybe get weird, but only if you make it weird! Here are some do’s and don’ts for complimenting:
DO compliment their walk with God- “It’s cool how you trust God with ____”
DO compliment their character- “You are so wise!”
DO compliment something they do- “You’re a great guitarist!” “That talk you gave to your small group was awesome”
DO compliment them in ministry- “You do a great job relating to the younger guys!”
DO encourage them when they do something bold- “Sharing your testimony was brave and I appreciate it!”
DO compliment them behind their backs- Speak well of his character even if he isn’t listening
DON’T compliment their body or looks- That’s weird.
6. Don’t be afraid to show your excitement
Let’s say you are both super into baseball and he suggests that a group of you get together to watch the World Series. It’s okay to be excited and say something like “Yes! That sound so fun! Let’s do it!” He will be encouraged in planning things and you’ll show him that you are interested.
But if you hate baseball, don’t be fake about it! Don’t change who you are to impress a guy. That’s just dumb. You can say something like “I’m not that into baseball but it would still be fun to hang out with everyone”
7. Be real with your interests but also try new things
This follows up the last point, it is never worth it to change who you are for a guy. But let’s say that you’re talking and he suggests a new TV show for you to watch- you should try it! Or if he wants to get some friends together to go rock climbing and you’ve never been, just say so and be willing to learn.
8. Don’t manipulate the situation
It’s so easy to try and weasel your way into a guys life. Whether that means you try to be the pursuer or you just try and twist things so they work in your favor. In the past, I’ve been know to bribe the person who put together small groups at a retreat so I would end up in the same one as the guy I liked or try and make sure I was standing next to him all the time. Quit doing stuff like that.
It robs us of the chance to be pursued in the way that God designed. It might make you look desperate and manipulative. Ultimately it is just not a godly action. Ask God to help you trust Him with your relationship.
9. Trust God and trust godly men.
If you like a godly man who follows Jesus, is in God’s Word and displays the fruit of the Spirit, it’s likely that he knows and hears God’s voice. That means that if God leads him to pursue a relationship, he will probably act on it. So wait and trust. Trust that God is actively working in his life and trust that He is living a life yielded to God.
If the guy you like isn’t actively pursuing God, isn’t displaying godly actions, and doesn’t spend time in God’s Word then why the heck would you want to date them? They are only going to hurt you and your walk with God.
10. Be okay with rejection
This is the hardest and scariest part of liking someone- the fear they won’t like you back. But truthfully, it is also one of the most beautiful parts. If we flirt to date and we date to marry and marriage is a picture of the gospel, then doesn’t it make sense that every part of flirting and dating can show off God’s character in some way? Even rejection.
Jesus went to the cross knowing that not everyone would accept him. He knew that people would reject His great love for them. But still, in spite of the chance of rejection, Jesus put his whole heart on the line and trusted God with the results.
If and when you are rejected, remember this: You do not have a God who is unable to sympathize with you. He knows that it hurts. He knows it isn’t easy to be vulnerable and get rejected. In your rejection you get to experience a specific fellowship with Christ, and that is a blessing.
Angi loves Jesus, coffee, baseball and baking cakes. She is a missionary to college students and can't think of anything she'd rather do to serve God. Angi first met the Lord while climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, Africa but really understood His love and grace as a freshman in college. Her heart is to invest in college students in the same way that many others invested in her. You can find her blogging over at Stuff Angi Does where she tells stories about Jesus, college students, and life. You can also find her on facebook, twitter, pintrest and instagram.
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