Isaiah 59 shows that it is not God's fault when people don't turn to Him and receive salvation. And verses 3-8 were quite the reality check for me of how I see the lost... of how I see myself in my B.C. (before Christ) days.
3 For your hands are stained with blood,
your fingers with guilt.
Your lips have spoken falsely,
and your tongue mutters wicked things.
4 No one calls for justice;
no one pleads their case with integrity.
They rely on empty arguments, they utter lies;
they conceive trouble and give birth to evil.
5 They hatch the eggs of vipers
and spin a spider's web.
Whoever eats their eggs will die,
and when one is broken, an adder is hatched.
6 Their cobwebs are useless for clothing;
they cannot cover themselves with what they make.
Their deeds are evil deeds,
and acts of violence are in their hands.
7 Their feet rush into sin;
they are swift to shed innocent blood.
They pursue evil schemes;
acts of violence mark their ways.
8 The way of peace they do not know;
there is no justice in their paths.
They have turned them into crooked roads;
no one who walks along them will know peace.
This has exposed my lack of desperation for peoples need for Jesus resulting in the lack of value I place on the law. The very thing that is going to open peoples eyes to the reality of our need for Him.
I read about two very opposite people today. Stephen... in Acts 7 who was slandered but went on the offensive and spoke the truth at the cost of his life. And I read about King Xerxes who was too insecure to do what was right. (Which is the same attitude of King Herod). And my actions yesterday show me that I tend to have an insecure heart more like Xerxes than Stephen. Oh God, rescue me.
Yesterday I had three different opportunities to share the gospel with some girls. Awesome. The last opportunity I had my insecurities seaped out of my heart. I was doing a lot of listening to what the girl thought and believed. And after awhile she made a comment about how she believed God was in everything. I totally in a very respectful, gracious way could have said something about us seeing something about God in things like Romans 1:20 says... but I kept quiet. Why? Because I was afraid of offending her.
Gal. 1:10 says "Am I now trying to win human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Yuck! I totally was living for what she thought... not for what God thought. And if lies are fiery arrows... and she had one jammed in her heart, why in the world did I leave it there? Why couldnt I just say the truth in a very gentle, respectful way and let God do His thing with His Word that is alive and active? Oh, how small my faith can be sometimes.
If the law is a reflection of God's character, His heart... why am I insecure about speaking what's true about the most important being in the universe? Oh, Lord, increase my faith. Help me die to myself, so You can have Your way through me. Take my insecurity and replace it with a deep, intense passion for Your glory to be seen. That I would value that above all else. Thank You for opening my eyes more to my need for You since when I am weak, You can then be strong.
I am not beating myself up... just recognizing an area to trust God with more. I have hope that He can use that conversation even though I didnt say what I believe He was putting on my heart to say. But I dont want to live there. I want to live wholly devoted... not oh-well devoted.