Had an ah-ha moment this morning in my time with the Lord. A big one. One that I think He has been initiating me to get for many years now. And when I finally turned to Him with my questions and He helped me process, click, ah-ha!
I’ve heard it said that our emotions can be a lot like our pain receptors. When we touch a hot surface and it hurts, we know to pull our hand away. With our emotions, when we have a difficult or painful emotion it shows us where the hurt is so we can deal with it.
The other day after an interaction with a friend I was feeling… hmmm… not sure I even know the word. I guess a bit discouraged with a hint of sadness and confusion. I knew it was because of them thinking I knew less than I really did. I didn’t want to think about it because I wasn’t sure if it was me being arrogant or if I was trying to get my approval from what others thought of me. And so, like I always do, I thought, “It doesn’t matter what they think” and I didn’t think about it any more.
The feeling persisted and finally I thought to talk to God about it. Why does it take so long to think of that sometimes? Well, He is such a great Eye-opener and Encourager. He showed me that it is not arrogant to be known as we truly are. That it is healthy and right and displays His character. He wants to be known as He truly is too. Humility is being honest about who you truly are, no more, no less.
God kept bringing example after example to my mind of how I have not spoken up and just let people believe something about me that wasn’t true. Mostly things about what I know and what I have done. I was literally shocked… how can someone value truth so much but yet value it so little when it comes to others believing what is true about me? I asked God why I am like this. I wondered, “Is it because I don’t want to come off as arrogant in correcting them?” or because, “I don’t want people to think that I am trying to one up them?” I think both of these things play into it but He showed me that ultimately I believe the lie that “It doesn’t matter.” So, ah-ha! The lie, exposed. Truth matters… no matter how little, no matter how seemingly insignificant, no matter who it’s about.
Then He led me to think about Paul. In Phil. 3:5-7 he is telling people about himself, even good things. And because he did, the glory of Christ is more clearly seen in him saying “I count all things as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ.”(v.8) He had a lot, a lot of respect, a lot of knowledge, a lot to admire and he counted all of it as loss. How great that makes Christ look. It makes Him look more like He truly is. Worthy.
Not only is speaking up about who we truly are healthy and good for relationships, it glorifies God.
Oh Lord, I know You are going to provide me with many opportunities to trust You and walk by faith in this. Please help me not be afraid to speak up. Help me not shrink, afraid to offend someone or come off as arrogant. Oh Lord, help me value the truth about me more than my fears. Write on my heart that truth is worth it, that it matters.