We are called to be peace makers.
Have you ever thought about how peace comes? It comes through communicating. So if we want peace in our relationships it isnt going to come by pushing things under the rug. It's going to be by effectively communicating. Here is a tool Austin and I use in our marriage, a tool we teach the college students we minister to and what we use to teach our kids how to communicate.
Help them "Walk the Wheel"
Only One Issue- What is the heart of the issue. Use I statements. Own the issue.
Sensory Data- Everything you took in from your senses- I saw, heard, etc.
Thoughts- Beliefs, interpretations
Feelings- Feeling words; sad, lonely, frustrated
Wants- What you want. For yourself, for others, and for the both of you.
Actions- Any! Not only between you two, especially Past. Present overlaps with, specific things you want to see happen.
It is important to express what we think, feel, and want. When Austin and I are bumping heads and then he shares how this or that (the issue) lead him to feel, it helps me put myself in his shoes. It brings that ah-ha moment of understanding why they responded the way they did.
Just as it is important for us to share our thoughts, feeling and desires with others, it is just as important for our kids to when dealing with siblings. Communicating is not just a "I'm right and you're wrong", whose gonna win deal. We need to train them and coach them in walking the wheel.
And I've found when we understand each other, it makes forgiveness much easier!