For three months now, God has been expanding my view of His power and sovereignty. It began with understanding suffering in light of His power and sovereignty and touched every area I saw Him as powerless in a very obvious way. And now, I am pregnant. This has taken the understanding of His power and sovereignty another direction. It has opened my eyes to see that my hope has been in me. I have seen myself as the Rescuer, the Savior. Ahhhh! Yuck!
Let me explain.
Austin and I were by God’s leading and direction; on route to adopt an embryo (fully conceived baby frozen in a test tube-all it needs is a womb and someone to love them). There were some complications with the background check and the matching, but it got miraculously worked out. By faith, we were planning to do the transfer next month. I was going to start birth control when my cycle started to start the preparation for the shots and the transfer. But my cycle never started. Austin and I have been married 8 ½ years. 2 of those years I was on birth control, but the other 5 ½, nothing! And now, a month before we adopt, my womb is taken! God clearly lead us to adopt an embryo, so by faith we will start the process again in the future.
Of course we are excited to be pregnant, but part of us is grieving. We wanted to rescue a little life from the frozen state. They were abandoned, and now we feel like we too are abandoning them. This is how God showed me that I look to myself to be the hope and rescue from suffering. My hope was in our decision to rescue the babies. And as I reflect on all the areas of suffering that burden my heart, the sex trade, persecuted Christians, orphans, I can see that my hope is in organizations, money, law makers, people who will go rescue and adopt. And though, we should do the action, our attitude, our heart reliance needs to be set on the reality that God is the only one that can rescue and save. He is the only one worthy of our hope. Our plans can be thwarted, His can not. Our plans to rescue a baby from a frozen tomb were thwarted, but God has not abandoned them, His plans for them can not be thwarted.
He is God. He is the Savior. I am not. In Nepal, God showed me that He doesn’t need me (acts 17:26). Arrogantly I thought, Well, I am one of the only Christians in this city, of course God is going to use me. He has to. And it turns out there are thousands of believers there, He has been at work there long before I even came into the world. He does not have to use me. He calls the shots, not me.
This topic of social justice is a big one right now. In fact, I just heard a talk on it this morning. I am so glad it is being talked about, because we have a tendency to not act. One of my favorite verses is Dan. 11:32 “Those who know their God will display strength and take action.” But I am saying there is something in our hearts that wants to be the Savior and the Rescuer apart from God, and we need to check our hearts. Do we think or are we acting and believing we are other peoples hope rather than thinking/believing and acting as though God is? We are not the Hope-bringers, the Saviors and the Rescuers, but we know the One who is! Let us do the right action but also with the right attitude-knowing that only God can rescue and save.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons God had us get pregnant now, to expose my heart of where I had my trust. After all, the most important thing about us is what we believe about God. (A.W. Tozer)
Here are some of the other thoughts/verses that really encouraged me on the second ½ of this process God has done in my heart and mind and now are some of my favorites. J
“Though evil had no part in God’s original creation, it was part of his original plan.”
* “Christ the lamb that was slain from the creation of
the world.” Rev. 13:8
* God, before the creation of the world, chose for us to
be adopted through Jesus. Eph. 1:4-5 Not, He chose us
to be perfect and without sin. He chose us to be
“This means God didn’t devise his redemptive plan on the fly. Evil didn’t take him by surprise. God isn’t the author of evil, but he is the author of a story that includes evil.” Randy Alcorn
“You are the ruler of all things. In Your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.” 1 Chron. 29:12
“He does what He pleases…no one can hold back His hand.” Dan. 4:35
“What people meant for evil, God intended for good.” Gen. 50:20
“But He stands alone and who can oppose Him? He does whatever He pleases.” Job 23:13
“The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” Prov. 16:33
“I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.” Isa. 46:10 Oh there is so much hope in this!! We truly honestly cant mess Him up and neither can others.